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Real Sundays: A Weekly Journal - 2003
* January 12, 2003 * January 19, 2003 * January 26, 2003
Real Sundays in 2003
January 5, 2003!!!
February 2, 2003 * February 9, 2003 * February 19, 2003 * February 26, 2003
March 9, 2003 * March 16, 2003 * March 23, 2003
April 6, 2003 * April 21, 2003
May 4, 2003 * May 11, 2003 * May 18, 2003 * May 25, 2003 * May 27, 2003
June 1, 2003 * June 9, 2003 * June 16, 2003 * June 22, 2003 * June 29, 2003
July 6, 2003 * July 13, 2003 * July 20, 2003
August 5, 2003 * August 11, 2003 * August 19, 2003 * August 27, 2003
September 21, 2003
October 30, 2003
November 9, 2003 * November 16, 2003 * November 23, 2003
December 7, 2003 December 7, 2003
Well, needless to say, it's been a busy two weeks, even with the holidays. I've been in a mild battle with end of the year depression...but more on that later. So, here goes:In Acting:
I caught up on several movies that I didn't catch in the theatres. I watched Hulk and The Pirates of the Carribean. I was entertained by both of them. I really enjoyed the inventive comic book story telling of Ang Lee's Hulk. What an artist! I also saw a pre-screening of Return of the King (the third part of Lord of the Rings). It was awesome. Long, but awesome!I also attended a great class with three casting directors, Danny Goldman, Terry Berland, and Lisa Beach. It was a great intimate evening with them telling it like it is. They critiqued everyone's headshots and talked frankly about the entertainment world, the painful truth. The consensus about the headshots was that it should be you, the best expression of who you are. Danny said he likes to go to theatre and showcases, but prefers to go when there is a large cast, so he can see the greatest number of actors in one shot. They all agreed that being in the Academy Players Directory is a must if you are in the union. The woman who mediated the night, Karen Kondazian, was awesome. She has interviewed a large number of the working casting directors in Los Angeles and has compiled these interviews into a book called The Casting Director's Encyclopedia. It's helpful to know things about these people so when you send them a postcard or a note, or when you meet them, you can have something to talk about. For instance, Lisa Beach loves cats, so she mentioned that if you ask about her cats, it will usually put a smile on her face. It's a way to open up the line of communication. So, all in all the class was great.
In Writing:
I, um, haven't had a chance to put anything on paper. I realize that this is a part of my life that is suffering some neglect and I must fix it. I have several stories swimming in my head and I am anxious to committ them to paper. I am going to make more time to write during the week. (And if I don't, you all can call me on it!)In My Persoanl Life:
First of all, I did get to see my mommy this Thanksgiving. I went home for a few days and watched movies and a play with my mom. We had dinner at my cousin's house with our family and her husband's family. By far the largest Thanksgiving I've ever been two. Her twin son and daughter also turned one year old on the same day! It was nice to catch up with my Aunt, Uncle and cousins who I haven't seen in many years.On Friday, my mom and I went to San Francisco and witnessed the tree lighting at Union Square. There were swarms of people everywhere, it was unreal. Then, that evening, we went to see The Exonerated, a play about people on death row who were later found not guilty. Some had spent more than twenty years on death row! It was a great piece, taken all from words spoken in interviews or in court documents. There were several lines that I wanted to remember, but the two that I still remember are (I'm paraphrasing here); "God travels faster than the speed of light, so time stops and that's when miracles occur," and "You can rub two sticks together to try to make a spark, but if you're crying on your sticks, it's never gonna happen." Robin Williams was in it the play that night and he was awesome. We were in the front row, right in front of him!
After the play my mom and I went to see my father for a few minutes. He's been sick, so we didn't want to keep him awake too long. He's doing well and has been getting some new paintings done which is always a good thing.
Then Saturday morning I caught up with an old friend who I hadn't seen in over ten years. She looks exactly the same, is happy, married and pregnant! Talk about growing up!
I came back to LA later that day. I miss my mom already.
On the more personal side, I have been in a bout with depression. The Holidays are always financially challenging for everyone, or most of us anyway. And for me, it just frustrates me. I realize that in many ways I am blessed and so grateful to have work that I enjoy, that is relatively creative and related to my art and that pays for the bills. But on the other hand, I also have that very much alive part of me that can count the number of auditions I've had this year on my two hands (that's not good), in addition to the fact that I haven't acted all year, not in play, a job, or a student film. Nothing. So, that's the truth of what I've been going through. The up side is that I've been trying to use that sadness, depression to thrust me forward into the new year with new plans and goals. I am trying to use it as kindling to restart the fire. The doubt lingers, and always will. For me, it's about doing it anyway. As I'm sure you know by now, one of my favorite quotes is by Ray Bradbury, "To hell with it, get your work done!" So to hell with it!
So, to all of you, I wish positivity and warmth in the cold days ahead! Remember to love yourself and one another. Oh yeah, and GET YOUR WORK DONE! (Your work, meaning your creativity, your dream, your goals...) Until next time...
November 23, 2003
Busy, busy week this week. I tutor part-time, for those of you that don't know, and since the holiday is coming, I have been trying to fit all my students in before they leave. So, scheduling has been challenging...In Acting:
I attended two networking events with Women In Film. One of which was the West Hollywood Networking Breakfast, where Paula Wagner of Cruise-Wagner Productions ( yes Tom Cruise) spoke. She was very eloquent and well educated. It was nice to hear about the changes in her career and the many paths she has journied. The thing she spoke of that stand out most in my mind are: 1. Taking risks; This whole business is a risk, it's tough for everyone, but if it means something to you, take the risk; You never know until you try; and 2. Having something to say; This is a business about communication, and hopefully, communicating information, or art that changes people, that moves them, that inspires them, that motivates them; She still believes this, even at her level of success. My friend Kristin joined me for her first Women In Film event. Thank you Kristin!
I took s'more (some more) headshots. These were outside and in color...I'll keep you posted. (Yes, an actor's eternally on the search for the extraordinary headshot..what can I say!)
Then, on Thursday, the TRUTH, the PAIN, the SACRIFICE: An Actor's Reality , a documentary of which I was a part, screened at the Women In Film Independent Film Series. Thank you to both Candaces for making that possible. It was a great screening that brought tears and laughter from the majority of the audience. Thank you to my boyfriend who actually tore himself away from work to watch it in its entirety for the first time. This is a great film about what actor's go through and the journey that this path entails. Hopefully soon it will be available for purchase. I will keep you posted.
In Writing: I, um, taught my weekly poetry workshop! Okay, I haven't written this week. See, this method of journaling is making me tell the truth! Well, it's always been truth, but now I (and you) see where my time is going....and not going!
In My Personal Life:
I have been making it to Kung Fu class, even though it's been difficult with my schedule.
Friday I went to the Farmer's market down the street and enjoyed roasted corn on the cob and a turkey hot dog. I also bought a few peaches, and a beautiful violet orchid. Goodness how I love Orchids! This market always has such beautiful ones, but on this day, they were on sale, like 60 percent off! How could I pass that up?
Then Saturday my boyfriend and I went to spend the day with my friend Tara and her husband (yes the same one as the poem is written for..) in Palm Springs. Tara's cousin and some other friends joined us as well. It was nice. We ventured out to the Aerial Tramway (www.pstramway.com). It took us all the way to the top of a mountain where there was still snow on the ground. I was bundled in my down coat, Target hat and last minute too small gloves! We walked on the trails for about a mile, to a cliff overlooking the entire city. It's a wonder a plane didn't come by and buzz us, that's how high we were. The view was breathtaking...and so was the walk back to the lodge! The tram ride was just as much a part of the thrill as was the incredible beauty of nature. Once back down the mountain, we all dined out Italian style. After a good day of relaxation and laughter, my boyfriend and I headed back to Long Beach. Once home, I, of course, headed straight for the bed. He, of course, headed straight for his computer and proceeded to work.
So, that is my week in a nutshell. All in all, a very good week. I've been focussing on time management and Ray Bradbury's words "To hell with it, get your work done!" Boy does that help me through the day. I wish you all a relaxing holiday week (whether you celebrate or not....I know thousands of Indians were killed during this time...but even more reason to be grateful for what we have today). May you all find reason to give thanks every day, not just when it is "Federally" approved. As always, love one another, and yourself. Until next time....
November 16, 2003
This week was not too eventful, although I'm very tired. Okay, maybe some stuff happened. Let's see....In Acting:
I went to a networking meeting with a group called the Exchange. It was very informative and gave some insight on how television and advertising are affecting each other.
I had a General Audition (woohoo!) with a casting director I've never met before. A 'general' is basically a chance for the casting director to get to know you, usually they're not currently working on anything, but they want to see if you are worth keeping on file. It went well, I was glad to have an audition!
Also, this week I went to see a screening of that new movie "Thirteen." Several of the actors and filmakers were there to talk about it, including Holly Hunter. It was nice to hear them talk about their struggles and triumphs. All in all I enjoyed the film as a view into a thirteen year old's struggle to fit in and define herself.
And last, but not least I went to hear Jay Bernstein speak at a Women In Film event. He is the man behind Farah Fawcett, Suzanne Summers and Christy Brinkley...to name a few. He is considered by some to be a star maker. So, is he going to make me a star? No, I'm going to make me a star. But he had some good information and good tidbits. The best of all was "The only rule is, there are no rules." I'll let you know how that works for me!
In Writing: I completed the first draft rewrites of the screenplay I've been working on with my partner. The script went to a television producer on Friday...I'll keep you all posted, good or bad....but hopefully good!
In My Personal Life: I have been working. Thursday night a movie theatre around the corner from us was having a pre-opening night (it is brand new). In celebration of this, they were giving away free movie passes, free popcorn and a free soda. So my boyfriend and I went to see SWAT - which we had missed from the summer. It was pretty good- entertaining to say the least. That was a nice release. Then, last night I had fun with my boyfriend's family at Magic Mountain. Although it took us three hours to get there due to a freeway closure, we enjoyed our time there. Since I am not a big roller coaster person, I watched everyone else go upside down. I did, however venture on the Gold Rusher with my boyfriend's sister and her 8 year old daughter. We had a good time on that and rode it about three times in a row!
So that's the story morning glory. I hope this finds all who are reading it well. I've been listening to my Tony Robbins tapes again - striving for "Constant And Never-ending Improvement." What if we all did that every day of our life. There'd be no limit to the heights of love, appreciation, wealth and happiness. In fact, there is no limit, all we have to do is believe. Believe with me and together we will create a miracle, a better world for each and every one of us. Spread love..... Until next time....
November 9, 2003
Look it's Sunday....and I'm writing! Woohoo! So I decided I like the categorizing thing better than the day to day thing. If you have a preference, let me know. I think the categorizing by "topics" helps me because that's how I've started to make my "to do" lists. I have a "to do" for acting, a "to do" for writing...and so forth. That way I can better get a sense of my time management and how much time I'm spending on what I really want every day! Sooooo.....In acting: I am still sending out postcards to casting directors to keep my face in their face. But the best thing was going to two Learning Annex classes this week. For those of you that don't know, the Learning Annex is a company that has all these one day classes in every subject imaginable. It's a staple here in Los Angeles, and in New York, but I think those are the only two places it exists. So, the first class I took was with A Band Apart executive producer Jeff Armstrong. He talked about a lot of great stuff, but the most important was the attitude one must have to make it. The "casting the net into the possibilities" - the speaking and thinking your future into the present. He discussed not thinking of dreams as dreams, but as possibilities, and all things are possible. It was very inspiring and motivating, I was glad to be there. Then yesterday, I went to hear Joe Pantoliano speak (Cypher from the Matrix and Ralphie from The Sopranos). He shared with us many of his stories and the wisdom he's gained along his path. Again, motivating and inspiring me to GET IN THE DOOR!
In Kung Fu: I found out that I'll be testing for my Orange Belt in December! Woohoo!
In Writing: I am still working on rewrites for the first draft of the script I wrote last month. My partner has a meeting with the producer next week...so I'll keep you posted.
In My Personal Life: I have been trying to take care of my health and get rest. I went to see the Matrix with my boyfriend. We really enjoyed it. The chase scenes had us on the edge of our seats for a lot of the film. It was good to get the end of the story, but more importantly to spend time with my boyfriend away for our everyday concerns.
So, that's my life in a nutshell - at least for last week. Somedays I really feel overwhelmed with everything that's going on in the world so I try to calm that by doing little things that I can do to change things. I talk to the kids I work with, I help give them a sense of empowerment and a place to express themselves, and I hope that the larger things that I don't have control over will change for the better of everyone. Change starts within each of us. It is the change of small things; saying hello to people, helping a stranger, loving, that affects change in the larger. No matter what, continue to love yourself and others as best you can. Then tomorrow, do it even better. Continue this pattern until the ripples of love emanate from each and everyone of us and send waves of love across the universe, engulfing all that was and all that will be. Love one another. Until next week.....or so...
October 30, 2003
Well, well, well, look who came back to play! Yes, it's me, SMEEE, no no, I mean me, Naffy, or Nafeesa as most of you know me. Well, needless to say this past month has been a little busy and overwhelming, which is why I am just now writing. I promise to at least write once a month if I don't make it here every Sunday. I am still trying to find my rhythm since the move. It's slowly returning.Since I've written last I have....let's see, I'll categorize it instead of going week by week like I usually do:
In Kung Fu I received my Yellow Belt! Woohoo! (That's the second belt, FYI.) I wasn't sure if I had told you or not, so there it is.
In Acting I have had a few auditions, unfortunately none of them have turned into more than that, but hey, that's never stopped me before. Now I am currently doing mailings to casting directors with my new headshot and postcard (I will be posting it soon). The idea is to keep your face fresh in their mind, right? The truth is I've never been very good at doing mailings consistently, so I am working on creating a mailing schedule for myself. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes! I mean there is something to be said for "out of sight, out of mind." And I want to be in their mind when the part for me comes across the desk!
In Work I've been working, nothing new there.
In Writing I've been working! I have only written one new poem ( The Dance). Several others are partially written, but none have come to fruition yet. This is largely due to the fact that in the last month I wrote a screenplay! Yes! One hundred twenty-two whopping pages of drama (or so I hope). I am working with a partner whose life story it is. I am currently doing rewrites and am hoping to get enough done for the meeting with producers set for next week. So now you know where I've been. I've been writing!
In my Personal life I've been trying to keep in touch with friends and be active in my organizations. I joined a committee in Women In Film and am also heading the fundraising committee for the poetry venue where I grew to be the poet I am, www.DaPoetryLounge.com. That has been quite challenging, but also very rewarding. By the way, if you are interested in donating money and / or learning more about where your money will go, please email me by clicking here.
So, that is about it for me. My good friend who is now sober hit her 90 days sober! Woohoo! I am so proud of her. I hope this finds all of you well. Remember, whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. In the words of Lucille Clifton, "won't you celebrate with me / that everyday / something has tried to kill me / and has failed" Celebrate you, life, love, friends, jobs, rain, sun, earth worms, rabbits, dogs, rats, birds, flies, ants....the list goes on. Celebrate it all. Until we write again....
September 21, 2003
Where or where has Nafeesa been? I know I am asking myself the same question. It has been almost a month since I've written, I think that's a record. Well, I'm back (at least this week) to catch you up on all the tragedy and beauty of the last couple of weeks.The last week of August was spent packing and waiting for escrow to close on my boyfriend's place, making plans in my head about what to do if it fell through. So, needless to say, it was a stressful week. On top of which I worked as much as I absolutely could.
The first week in September was spent moving out of my boyfriend's apartment and into his newly escrow closed condo! Woohoo! It was great fun (yeah right!). It was a lot of work and patience, but all in all worth it. The only thing was, we could not move into the new place quite yet, so we ended up spending several nights in a hotel (a nice one...I loved it), before we could start work on the new place.
That Friday I had a cool color photo shoot with Dan Irving. I wanted to get some different kinds of shots with more dramatic lighting and businessy looks. It was fun...photos will be up soon. Thanks Dan for the pix.
That Sunday I rehearsed with Sandra Hodge (director of the documentary I was in, The Truth, The Pain, The Sacrifice...(www.trupsprod.com). She has cast me in her new independent feature, so far untitled. It's a comedy and should be a lot of fun. I'll keep y'all posted.
The second week in September I found out that my air conditioning is broke (bad compressor) - and probably will be broke for a while. Oh well, windows down from here on out, not the end of the world. Then I attended a great networking event. Everything seemed to be okay until...
I checked my email Monday evening and had received the news that T-Bone, Jewel's bassist from the tour I opened last summer, had suddenly passed away. Needless to say it was a huge shock. He was probably the closest person to me from that tour. He was still working with Jewel and had planned to be on tour with her this fall. I just saw him a few weeks ago. It was so sudden and unexpected. When something like this happens, you always go through the "I should've called him more," or "I should've told him how much his friendship and support meant to me," etc. I'm still very sad about his passing, but am comforted by the fact that he was fulfilled. So, at the end of that week, I flew to Detroit for a day to attend his funeral, along with several other band members, his family and friends, Amy Grant and her band members, it was a large turnout. I'm glad to have had the last meeting with T-Bone and am thankful for his presence in my life. He will be missed by many.
Then, believe it or not, I flew back Saturday morning to attend my girlfriend's wedding! I suppose it is all within the cycle of life. The wedding was fantastic, fun, teary, moving, inspiring, all in all a wonderful time with great food, friends and family. Congratulations to Tara and Kenneth Hughes!
So this week continues on with the remodeling of the condo, living in saw dust and loving it.
I attended a great meeting with Dr. Debra and my dear friend Anne. Dr. Debra talked about 'leveraging.' At first I wasn't sure what she meant, but now I get it. She was talking about being sure that everything you do, including volunteer work and so on, can be used to benefit you and your career as well. It's not about being selfish, but about being sure that your life is on purpose, and everything you do should work toward that purpose in some shape, form or fashion. It was an important lesson for me to have, that's for sure. I learned that I can use my volunteering to network more and help push my career forward. Thank you Dr. Debra for a another great meeting.
Yesterday was a wonderful day spent going to Lowe's and Home Depot with my boyfriend. Then he surprised me and took me out to Thai food, a long walk, and ice cream. Woohoo! Talk about a great day!
And today I came here to the library (still no internet in the house)to attempt to catch up with all of you. I had a great rehearsal with the Hip Hop Poetry Choir (we're performing next week at the Watts Jazz Festival) and decided to get the rest of my life back in shape.
So I hope you are all well and healthy. If you are waiting for an email from me, please be patient, they're on their way. As always, I wish you all love and hope that you save some for you and then spread it to those around you. If love were a disease, we should all be sick with it. Well, that sounds kind of funny, but you get the idea! Until we share internet time again....
August 27, 2003
So it is Tuesday again. Today feels like it was five days in one. Ever get that feeling? So, I will get right to it since my internet time is limited today.Monday of last week was work, which is always good. Also that night I went to my first 'Joy Group' meeting. I was invited to be a part of a few actors who are getting together and goal setting. It is an incredible group of women and I am thankful for their presence and their positivity. Sometimes we need a little push from our peers, and this has become that forum. So, good things are a comin'....
Tuesday was work and then a Women In Film event, the Networking Hour. I met some more wonderful people in addition to seeing Dr. Debra again. (If you haven't read any of the previous entries, she is one of my favorite people these days!) I'm excited about some of the contacts I made because they are young women making it happen. One of them just produced her first independent feature film and it got picked up for six hundred theatre domestic distribution. That's pretty incredible if you haven't figured that out yet! Congrats Kelly!
Wednesday was paperwork and bill day. Bills are almost all paid and the paperwork...is ....well, further along than it was. Why do I have so much paper? Ugh! Later was Kung Fu. Great class, very exhilirating.
Thursday was work and then another Women In Film event, the Independent Film Series. They screened a movie called Mothers and Daughters by Robin McKenzie. It was a great film, I laughed, I cried (seriously)! It was about the mother daughter relationships in one family where the middle generation woman had just had a biopsy of a lump on her breast. My mother is a breast cancer survivor, so it hit home for me. It made me even more thankful for her presence. Anyway, the film was great, so if you hear of it screening somewhere, go check it out. (I know it will be in the San Diego Film Festival next month, so look for it if you're down there).
Friday was work, then Kung Fu (which whooped my behind) and then I had to write a poem for my friend Tara's bridal shower. I was up late writing it and I wasn't sure how I felt about it when I went to bed. I still liked it in the morning (always a good sign), so I kept it. I'll have to read it a couple more times and maybe it will be the September Poem of the Month (since she's getting married in September!) In any case, it was good to be challenged with writing on a particular subject, and also knowing that it was for a friend.
Saturday was Tara's bridal shower, created by her best friend Kristin. It was an all day affair. It began with a group mediation (lead by my friend Locksley - but he left after because it was a girls only event!), then food and games, then change of clothes and location to.....salsa dancing. We danced, ate cake and danced some more. Then it was off to a fancy hotel room where we winded down and talked and ate some more. An incredibly beautiful and exhausting day. I was glad to be a part of it.
Sunday was a meeting with the Hip Hop Poetry Choir (who I will be performing with next month....) and then more paperwork. And I'm still not done!!! I'm working on a system...and it's been a little slow in the development.
All in all, a busy, fantastic, thrilled filled week! Please remember to love each other and yourselves. You can make any dream come true, if you hold steadfast and positive. Until next week....
August 19, 2003
Well, this has been my first opportunity at computer time in a few days, so I thought I better take advantage of it. This week has been a little up and down for me emotionally. In this business (as in many businesses) one often goes through the "am I on purpose?" question and "was I meant to do this?" line of questioning. So far, I haven't decided to quit, so that's a good thing!Monday I turned in my application to receive a mentor from Women In Film. Hopefully I'll be one of the finalists and be interviewed....I'll keep you posted. Also, today I had lunch with a wonderful woman who is turning out to be a mentor, Debra Davenport ( www.davenportfolio.com). She is basically heating up the cattle prod and really pushing me to think about my career in different ways as well as giving me the tools to make it better and eventually walk down that red carpet to the stage of the Academy Awards and accept my third Oscar....(I'm writing the speech today! ha ha!)
Okay, I just banged the *#?! out of my knee on the desk. So excuse me for a moment while I scream........PAUSE.......
Okay, I'm back. Tuesday I did my Yoga tape and worked. Wednesday I worked, returned phone calls (which is really an improvement for me since I never used to return calls....), and went to Kung Fu class! Woohoo. I'm really getting a kick out of Kung Fu...(so I'm corny! So what!)
Thursday and Friday were more work and then Kung Fu. Friday nights are usually the hardest class of the week...or should I say the most challenging. I come home exhausted and exhilirated all at the same time! I love it!
Saturday was the beautiful story book wedding of Poetri and Juren. Congradulations to both of you. Juren looked so incredible and had the most beautiful dress. Poetri was looking quite dapper in his tuxedo. They are a perfect match and I wish them all the best in their lives together. Gina Loring ( www.GinaLoring.com) sang - so gorgeous. Jennifer also sang (I just met her...don't know her last name) - she too was incredible. Poetri read a poem for his vows and started crying. I think everyone there was crying by the end. All in all, a great day to share with them. Thank you both for allowing me to be part of that special day.
And Sunday....I had a CALLBACK for the play at Greenway!!!! Woohoo! I had a great time at the callback. I read for a fourteen year old girl. I felt right at home with her! (Especially since I'm only 5 years old anyway!) It was nice to see some people I've performed with, but best of all, it was nice to be at a callback, auditioning with other great actors. I'll let you know what happens, but either way, I know I did my best.
So that's it for last week. I charge all of you to stay positive for this next week. Try not to hang onto any negative idea. I will join you in the mission and we'll see how it went by the end of the week. Never forget, "your thoughts create your reality." Watch what you put into that head of yours. Also watch what you let other people put into it! You have the power to create the life you want. Let's all work together and make it happen! As always...spread the love (and love yourself)! Until next week......
August 11, 2003
Happy Monday! Okay, just one tip to start, do not eat trail mix while at the computer... it gets everywhere! (Boy will I be in trouble...oh well!) This week was an emotionally challenging week, for reasons you will read below. On top of that there are the bills, the heat, and all things that make one feel sloggy (I know it's not a word, but that's how it makes me feel). The good things still remain, my dear friends, my boyfriend, my mommy, papa and cousins and other family. So all in all, I am blessed. So, here goes the week....Monday of last week I went to a Learning Annex class called Ace Your Audition, taught by Tom Todorroff. It was a small class, but had good points and reminders. He actually shares a lot of that stuff on his website, so instead of getting it jumbled from me, if you're interested, check out his site, www.TomTodoroff.com.
Tuesday I woke up in time to do yoga with my video tape. It felt good to pay attention to my body (especially since Kung Fu is kicking my behind!). Then I worked in the afternoon. Nothing exciting.
Wednesday and Thursday were work days too. But Thursday night I got called in to audition for an upcoming play. Woohoo! The audition went well (especially because Monday, Tom had given me some valuable critiques on my monologue). I won't know what's happening for about another week, they're still auditioning. But, as always, y'all be the first to know.
Friday I went to the Women In Film Malibu Networking Breakfast. It was a lot of fun. Sally Kirkland was the speaker. I enjoyed her fire. You can tell, don't mess with Sally! I mean that in a good way. She was very warm and loving and had great advice, but at the same time, she encouraged being a 'tough cookie,' standing for what you believe, fighting for your billing, and asking for what you want. Ahhh, a woman after my own heart! Thank you to Sally and all the ladies in Malibu that make it happen. For more info on Women In Film, you can visit their website www.WIF.org.
Wednesday night I was at Kung Fu, and then Friday night I went also. Fridays are usually a smaller class, so he gives us harder stuff. Which is good, AND (not but) challenging. We worked hard this Friday. I fell asleep within a few minutes of getting home.
Saturday morning I went to a family meeting for a friend of mine that is in rehab for alcoholism. I was debating whether or not to share this, but I decided that there are so many people going through similar situations, that maybe if we all can open up to one another, the healing process can truly take place.
The first half of the meeting was just family (I'm the closest thing my friend has to family out here) and then the recovering addicts came in the second half. I didn't go there with any expectations, I really just wanted to learn how best to support my friend in their time of need, and especially when they're out of rehab. After listening to other family's stories, I felt that I had it easy. My friend is ready and 100% willing to recover, where as some of the families were still battling this with their loved ones. Needless to say, it was an emotional day, for me and my friend, but also because I really felt the pain of the other family members and understood that sense of helplessness. Some of the families are literally fighting for their loved ones lives. In the long run, I'm glad I was able to express my concerns to my friend, openly and honestly, and get straight forward answers on what they need from me.
The rest of the afternoon was visiting time, which was nice and relaxing because the day didn't get too hot.
After that visit, I had a great talk with my mom about my grandfather (who died of alcoholism before I was born). She opened up to me about him and his personality, and when his drinking came into play. His story (at least to me) appears to be different than many because he was sober for so long. Then, within one year, he started drinking again, caught pnemonia, was hospitalized but never recovered, then suffered from liver failure and died in the street on his way to work. All I can think of is 'why?' What pushed him to that intensity of drinking? Did he know that he was missing out on knowing his grand-daughter? Maybe one day I'll ask the universe these questions and discover the answers. In the meantime, I wish to send love out there to anyone in or dealing with any similar situation.
What I've learned this week is that we must all know, in our deepest selves, that we matter. Our existence is not happenstance, it is purposeful, meaningful, and at no point should you ever give up. Ray Bradbury said it best when he said, "Each of you is gonna save the world in some small way...Whatever you have, it's a gift from the universe, a gift from creation. You're here to give yourself to the world, whatever it is, big or small." Love each other and love yourselves. You are all precious. Until next week....
August 5, 2003
Where have I been? I know, I've been asking myself the same question. So I am over over due for a journal entry and well....here goes. Basically, I've been trying to get out there and do a lot of stuff geared toward the life I WANT, instead of the life I don't want. Plus, my boyfriend has been doing the same, and as a result has been building websites for weeks on end, so I haven't had hardly any computer time! (He's out running errands right now, that's why I'm writing!) So I hope you have all been well over the last two weeks. Here's what's been happening with me...Well, Monday, July 21st I had a good dentist check-up, until I found out that I had exceeded my insurance coverage and I was going to have to pay for it! Who knew that becoming a queen (i.e. getting a partial crown on my tooth) would cause me so much pain. Ha ha. Okay, so I'm cheesy, what do you want me to do about it? That night I went to Kung Fu class. Did I tell you I started Kung Fu? Well I did. Great studio in Whittier. (If any of you are near there and want to study, email me, I'll get you the details.) It's extremely inexpensive and very rewarding. So I am officially a white belt...where everyone starts. But I look really cool in my uniform! (Picture to follow soon.)
Tuesday was work, work, work. But hey, I'm happy to have a job!
Wednesday I went to visit a friend who is recovery from alcoholism. She is doing really well. I'm so proud of her for kicking her own butt, if you get what I mean. She sought out the help and is working on improving herself. How many of us can truly do that on a daily basis? It's hard work, I know that. I love her dearly and am glad she's getting the help she needs.
That night, I went to the Women In Film new member orientation. It was very informative, but a little overwhelming....simply because I want to join every committee. I know, one thing at a time.
Thursday, work, work. Then Women In Film Networking Hour. It was fun. There were so many people there. I met some great people. So many people there are full of fire. I can't wait to work with some of them.
Friday was another doctor visit. This time I went to get a mammogram. Now, for those of you that have any clue to my age, you know I'm a little young to be getting one. However, all women should know, if it runs in your family (my grandmother died of breast cancer, and my mom had it, but beat it!), then you should start your mammograms about ten years before the average woman. That way you have an excellent base line in case anything unusual did appear. Anyway, that's my healthy women shpiel. So go get your mammogram!!!!
After that I went to pick up the wedding gift for my friends Thea and GaKnew. Then, I went to Kung Fu again. Class was harder tonight because there were only a few of us and there were two black belts in class. (The class is mixed levels so there is always someone there to teach and inspire you.) I was a little shakey when I left. Good workout.....Then I went to pick up my mommy! Woohoo! She came for the weekend.
Saturday I spent with my mom and my boyfriend and we went to the Home Show in Long Beach to get ideas for the condo we are in escrow on. It was a fun day just looking around and hangin' with my mommy and my boyfriend. It has been a long time since I've seen my mom!
Sunday was Thea and GaKnew's wedding. It was beautiful, on the beach in Malibu with all their friends and family! A lot of poets were in the house, supporting and sharing the love. I cried twice. They wrote their own vows and then improved off of them in the moment. Thea was crying the whole time. She looked so gorgeous. I'm glad to have spent that day with everyone there. Thank you to Thea and GaKnew for allowing me to share such a beautiful moment with you. Congradulations!
Okay, so this past week....Monday July 28th....I can't remember what I did. I know my mom left and went back to the bay area...waaaaahhhhh.
Tuesday was the filming of a friend's commercial. It was a fun time, plus I got to eat good food. Thank you to Bill, Dennis, and Leon who made it all possible. I don't know if it will air, but if it does, I'll let you all know, of course! (But if you're in Orange County, watch you public cable stations close, you never know what or who you might see!)
Tuesday night I went to the Women In Film Director's Workshop with Lilyan Chauvin. It was great as usual. We spent the evening breaking down a scene as a director would. I learned some valuable new ways of looking at a scene. Okay, not necessarily new things, but helpful reminders. One reminder which I think all actors should be reminded of is the five senses. How is each of your senses affected within a scene? How does it smell, is there taste involved (i.e. are you kissing someone who just ate onions?), do you touch the other person in the scene, do you touch anything, what does the location look like, are there any other sounds going on nearby? So, all in all, a good class.
Wednesday was work.
Thursday I appeared on another cable show called "Touching Lives with Kathy Bee", www.prproductions.com. I performed a piece of poetry ("Mother") and was interviewed. It was a lot of fun. I met Kathy Bee at....you guessed it....Women In Film! Her other guests were so fascinating; some concious singers, a young woman who donated her kidnet to her mother and saved her life, an author / comedienne, and two spirtual ministers. Talk about an interesting group of people. Thank you to Kathy for including me.
Friday afternoon I left for the Bay Area. My brother founded, and continues to run the North Beach Jazz Festival www.nbjazzfest.com) . So I went up to see my parents and my other family that came up to support the festival. The rental car place gave me a great deal on a Mustang convertible, so not only was I having fun, but I was styling with the top down! One day, I shall have one of my own!
Saturday I spent with my dad, my brother, his (my brother's) brother and sister (it's complicated... just take my word for it...we're all family), my cousin, his wife, and their incredible three year old daughter, Mara, my other cousin's wife (this cousin is currently stationed in Iraq) and her daughter and other family friends. Needless to say it was an eventful day. The bands rocked the crowd in the park. I went to put money in the meter every thirty minutes. And my little cousin Mara wore me out with dancing and running and having a good time. The day ended with a great table (thanks to my bro) and awesome food at Fior D'Italia. Of course, towards the end of the day, I did start to lose patience with my father...what can I say, I'm working on it.
Sunday I hung out with mommy and went to see my aunt and uncle (her brother and his wife). It was nice to just sit and chat and catch up. They have a new dog named Emma, a poodle. She is a riot! So loving and full of energy. We hit it off right away. Eventually it was late and my mom started to lose patience with me...go figure! So, we left and got food and went to the motel to eat and watch a movie. Pay It Forward was on and mom had never seen it, so we watched that. It's such a great movie, with a great message, but man does it end sad! (Or should that be sadly?...hmmmm...note to self, consult English Grammar Book!)
Yesterday morning I came home and was sad to leave my mommy, but happy to see my boyfriend. So, all's well that ends well. Hmmm, who said that before? Okay, I'm getting a little punchy. I shall end my transmission here and tell you about this week next week. And so on. I hope this finds you all well, healthy, happy, and well loved (at least by you)! I love you all from the bottom of my heart. Now spread it around! Oh, and thanks to Vera who sent a great possible 'brand' for me! Until next week......
July 20, 2003
Great day today....but I'll get to that later! This week I got a lot of stuff done, which was good. I also did a lot of thinking....but I can't remember quite about what right now! I gotta start writing these things down!So, Monday I got up bright and early to go to my manager's house and write letters to casting directors and directors, trying a different approach to the casting world. Who knows if it'll work or not, but it felt good, doing something for my career.
Later that day I went to get my teeth cleaned...ugh, more dentist. It actually didn't hurt that much this time, woohoo!
Tuesday was my Papa's birthday, Happy Birthday Papa! Then work, nothing too exciting.
Wednesday was an incredible day. I went to a networking lunch hosted by Dr. Debra www.DavenportFolio.com. All the women were doing there own thing, making it happen. Some were coaches, executive coaches, business coaches, there was a real-estate agent, and insurance agent, an art representative, a professional organizer, my friend Anne (actress/singer), myself, and of course Dr. Debra. It was an inspiring lunch that really forced us to think about our "dramatic difference." "What is your brand?" Dr. Debra kept asking us. If you are an entrepenuer, or an artist, you or your company is the product. So what makes you different? What makes you the best ________(fill in the blank) out there? These were the type of questions she asked us and encouraged us to continue to ask ourselves as we build our business. It was a really different way for Anne and I to look at our careers. Needless to say, I have begun to search for my brand... Anyone with any ideas, feel free to email me (it should be in the form of a slogan). Thank you to Debra and all the wonderful women at the lunch. I look forward to the next one.
Thursday day was work. Thursday night I went to the Women In Film screening of "Nursie." It was an interesting experience. Ed Begley Jr. was there, but I didn't make my way to talk to him before he left. The movie wasn't really my cup of tea, but it has definite cult, DVD and video possibilities. The most interesting thing is that it took them 18 days to shoot and entire film. It's always interesting to hear the independent film stories, they are encouraging.
Friday I spent the day cleaning the apartment. If felt good to mop the floors and vacuum! (I never thought I'd be saying that!)
Yesterday was errand day first. Then I went to storage to begin the "sort and toss." I'm trying to get rid of all this stuff, and it's not easy. Just getting myself there was a battle. So, I did the first round, dealing only with clothing. I did pretty good if I do say so myself. The next round is the paper work!! AAAAhhhh! One day.....soon.
So today I spent the morning reading the paper with my boyfriend. We read about Kobe and saw how the media is portraying him. It's a weird situation because America's role models are so high up, that when they're good, they're perfect, but when they're bad, they're the worst. I think it's important we remember that we're all human. We all make mistakes. I'm not necessarily condoning his behavior, I just wish sometimes people would come from a more understanding place. (And I'm sure you can tell from my slant, that I do hope he is innocent. There is no excuse for sexual abuse, or any kind of abuse for that matter.) Okay, enough about Kobe.
This afternoon I went to a "Goodwill" party at my friend Amy's. About six women came together with all the stuff we were going to give to Goodwill. Anything someone else wanted, they could have, the rest went to Goodwill. It was a fun day trying on clothes, laughing and eating good food (awesome salad a la Amy, keish a la Brigette, and cheese scones a la Candace). I came home with less than I went with...but I still came home with stuff. One day I'll be able to resist...
So all in all, a good week. No matter what you do, decide what your "dramatic difference" is (this is taken from a book that Dr. Debra recommends). Everyone has a unique ability or gift. Find yours, love it, nourish it and share it. You are all special to me, and I want you to be special to you! (Yes, I said that the way I meant it.) I wish you all love and kindness, and of course...LAUGHTER! Until next week....
July 13, 2003
Well, here I am, Sunday...actually writing! Can you believe it! I've been so good lately, I have to be proud of myself...at least for a minute....... okay, I'm done! So this week was very busy and tiring, but goooooood!Tuesday I went to the dentist to get my crown. I guess officially it's a partial crown. And of course, now I'm officially a queen (or at least a partial queen). Okay, wait, that doesn't quite sound right....but hey, words are meant to be misunderstood....sometimes....
Tuesday night I started training for a new job...woohoo! I'll be tutoring students in the SATs. Boy do I wish I had this information when I was taking the test. I could've gotten an 1600! (Okay, maybe not quite...but one can dream, right?) After training finished for the night (around 10:30pm) I checked my messages. Well, my agent had called me like a million times in the five hours I was in training. (Don't ask why I didn't check messages during my breaks...it just didn't happen.) So, anyway, after finally reaching her at home, I find I have an audition for Wednesday morning! Double Woohoo!
Now, I don't know if you remember, but a while ago I went in to read for Charmed, who I read for a lot. But the last time I thought I did a really bad job, so I thought they were never going to call me in again. Well, they did...for Wednesday! I was so happy just to be getting called in again...which meant that I couldn't have been that bad, at least the casting director hadn't given up on me. (These are the things one must get excited about in this business, so all you actors, take note!)
So, Wednesday, I went to my audition, which went well. I haven't heard about a call-back yet (which usually means I didn't get one), but I'm okay with that. Like I said, I was glad to have a second chance, those are rare in this town.
Later Wednesday I tutored my regular student and then went to my second day of training.
Thursday I went to physical therapy for my jaw. I really needed it (especially after having seen the dentist two days earlier)!
Then Thursday night was Girls Dinner night at my friend's house. It was awesome, a bunch of women, eating good food, talking about the good stuff, and all cheating on whatever diet we were all on (i.e. brownies, whip cream, cupcakes....) Sometimes, the energy of friends can be an all around healer. I've been making more of an effort to not be the hermit that I am naturally. The energy of other people and conversation can be a great balancer. Thank you to all of you who were there!
Then I awoke first thing in the morning Friday to go to a Women In Film event in Malibu. I was late, but it was still worth it. I met some incredible people there...and maybe booked a job. (I'll keep you updated on that one.)
Later that afternoon I went to my last day of training...and passed! So, hopefully, I'll be assigned students as of tomorrow. Woohoo, money to pay my bills! Woohoo!
Saturday was an incredible day. In the morning my boyfriend and I went to meet an inspector to look at a place he's (my boyfriend) is in the process of buying. The news was good, just minor things that he and I can fix.
Then the afternoon came, and I was off to my friend's Bridal Shower! (It seems everyone around me is getting married. I guess I'm at that age....you now, 21!!! ha ha ha) The shower was fun. We played a bunch of games, and I didn't win any of them. But I played hard, that's all that matters, right? Congradulations to Thea and GaKnew!
Then, that evening, I headed to the Women In Film Golf Tournament Dinner. What fun that was! My manager, Danielle, joined me for an evening of silly people and good food. At our table was a diverse group of people. First we had two entertainment lawyers, then we had an air traffic controller, a doctor, an investment banker...and...drum roll....the man who calls the play by play for the Lakers. (He took over after Chic Hearn's passing.) Needless to say, the conversation was not boring! Then, towards the end of the evening, I won a dress in the raffle (with raffle tickets left by people who left before us)! The best part is, it fits perfectly! The event was great fun, plus I got a little networking in, can't beat that. Thank you to Saveria (my Women In Film sponsor) and Candace who keep me inspired.
And last, but not least, we come to today. First of all, let me say Happy Birthday to Amy!!!!
This afternoon I performed with two other members of the Hip Hop Poetry Choir at the opening of the art show "The Game Show" at the Watts Towers Arts Center in Watts. It went well. The show is very interesting. I didn't understand every piece, but I got some of it. The artist is really saying something. The exhibit should be up for a few weeks, so stop by if you're in the neigborhood. The center is open every day except for Monday.
So now, I must turn to finishing paperwork and planning a successful week. Keep your positive thoughts at the forefront of your mind. Let them expand and wash over you in a blanket of clarity. Love yourself and others. Thank you all for the love you continue to share with me. Until next week...
July 6, 2003
Well, it is really Sunday! Woohoo! I hope all of you had a relaxing / fun fourth of July (at least those of you in the states...). Of course, I will tell you about mine in just a few......but first.....(I don't know what it is with me and the dots...I must like them!)Monday, Monday. I went to get my jaw X-Rayed to see if something else is wrong with it, since it still doesn't want to open quite all the way! (Funny thing is, it's kind of good because I can't eat too much, so I've begun to lose a little bit of weight....every actress' dream, right?) Well, I didn't find out until later, but the X-Rays were normal which is good. Now if I can only open my mouth!!!
Tuesday was work. Then Wednesday was Physical Therapy for my jaw. The therapist showed me some exercises to do and how to make it feel better. I could open my mouth when I left there! Now, all I have to do is do the exercises.....
Later that same day I went to a fundraising meeting for Da' Poetry Lounge, the open mic' venue where I became the poet I am today. We're starting a campaign and we're in the final stages of planning. As soon as we're up, I'll be sure to let you know!!!!
Thursday was work again - very easy day......until.....I decided to check my mail and go and meet my boyfriend and his real-estate agent in Long Beach. Well, my silly butt forgot that "hey it's the 4th of July tomorrow, everyone's getting out of town..." So I got on the freeway, and pretty much stayed there for the next two hours (a trip that should take 1/2 an hour). But such is the life in Los Angeles. Thank goodness for my Tony Robbins tapes. Tony, wherever you are, I don't know what I'd do without you! So, I got to Long Beach just as their meeting ended, in time to kiss my boyfriend and get back in the car and head home. Sort of silly, but at that point, what am I gonna do, throw a temper tantrum (for those that don't know, that's what I USED to do...). So I laughed it off, got back in my car (where I just got the air-conditioning fixed...woohoo!) and headed home.
(An aside about the air-conditioning....I don't remember what day it happened, but I was driving and my car starts making a funny noise, but I'm on the freeway, so there wasn't much I could do. The noise got louder and louder and then all of a sudden, something flew out of the hood of my car. The car still ran okay, so I laughed and hoped it was nothing serious. Come to find out the next day, that it was my air-conditioning belt! Welcome to the world of no air! Luckily, my mechanic took me the next day and fixed it all up...thank goodness for good mechanics!)
So, Friday, the fourth of July. My boyfriend and I worked most of the day. I did a lot of personal work (like cleaned the house) while he worked worked! Then he came home later that day and said he told his little cousins he would take them to see fireworks. (Of course that means I get to go too! I'm okay either way, but you know I love to be a big kid!) So, later that day we picked up his sister and his cousins and neice and headed out to Shoreline in Long Beach....We had to walk about a mile and half to get a good spot (near the carnival of course), but boy oh boy (or man oh man, girl oh girl, woman oh woman...depending on your preference!) was it worth it! The fireworks were spectacular! I'd never seen them do such cool things. They had some that looked like live comets and others that made the entire sky look like it was cradling a sparkling weepy willow tree. Absolutely beautiful. And to think, it's all physics and chemistry. Talk about a cool way to get a kid interested in science!
Yesterday I slept really late. My boyfriend said it's because I didn't have anything to do, but I beg to differ. I slept late because I was dreaming that my friend and I were acting in a movie with Robert DeNiro. We were in rehearsal, working on our lines. HELLO! Why would I want to wake up from a dream like that!? It was one of those dreams that feels so real...and maybe it will be very sooooooon! Needless to say, once I woke up, I was very productive in finishing the household chores, going shopping, and so on.
And then, oh yes, Sunday. I am attacking a large stack of paperwork today, cleanising my chi (I think). Other than that, I am relaxing before my new job starts next week....Oh yeah, I got a new job...woohoo!
So, I wish you all relaxation and healthy chi...and of course, the love you desire and deserve! Don't forget to share it. With love....until next week.......(there are those dots again!)
June 29, 2003
Sunday, Sunday, la la, la la la la....okay, so it's supposed to be Monday, Monday, but you get the idea (that is if you've ever heard the song...) Well, I'm just back from the readings and instead of going to bed, I am completing my Sunday by writing and then of course watching Dharma and Greg! (Where would I be without reruns of Dharma & Greg?) So, what, you are dying to know happened to Nafeesa this week? Well, I could tell you, but the suspense would be nill...soooo......I'll wait..... I'll just .......type.....a......lot......of.......dots........isn't the suspense killing you? (Well, I don't want it to KILL you...) Okay, so here goes...Monday I had my last (weep, weep) day of work at my Teacher's Assistant job. The program lost it funding, so, no more job...waaaaahhhh! But, that same day, I had an interview for another job...Woohoo! That went well. It is another tutoring job, but for the SATs...and yes, I had to take a sample SAT test to qualify for the job. Ugghhh did that bring back memories. I did okay on the math (out of 10 or 11 problems, I only got one wrong). But I sucked on the verbal, vocabulary has never been my thing...I know it's a shame, especially 'cause I be writin' 'n stuff! Anyway, if all goes well, I'll be writing you next week about when I start training.
Also Monday I met with the people trying to help me save enough money to buy a house. They said I've been doing good so far, but that I need to keep a job! The funny thing is, it's not like I get fired or quit my jobs....they just seem to come to an end. What're ya' gonna do? Huh? So....saving is at least still in the works.
Oh yeah, then probably the best thing about my week took place Monday night. (Yes, it was a busy Monday.) Well, the story goes that I looked into joining Women In Film. Well, after finding someone to invite me as their guest to a Networking Hour, I sent in my money, and went. Now, to join W.I.F. one has to have a sponsor, someone who's in the organization already. So, if you don't know anyone, then you go to some events as a non-member and hopefully form a relationship with someone who will eventually sponsor you. (What I thought would be at least a two month process.) So, I went Monday night to Network and met some incredible women doing their THANG! There weren't many people there, so we all sat in a big circle and swapped stories, songs, comedy routines, and yes poems...(okay, I was the only one to do a poem!) And they liked me! They really liked me! That night, I left with an application and a sponsor! How cool is that! Thank you Saveria!
So, Tuesday was work (at my other job) and then another Women In Film event, the Director's Workshop with Lillian Chauvin. They use actors for the directors, which is why I went. The only kicker was, I hadn't filled out my paperwork yet, so I was still a non-member, which meant they would use me last. I memorized the scene anyway, in the hopes that I would get to work. But when it was all said and done, there were enough member actors there, and I was not assigned a director. I was a little disappointed, but knew I would learn something either way. But then, after all the directors presented their work, the teacher decided to direct two actors, and guess who got to work? Not me...ha ha, just kidding,....Me! So, I had the chance to work after all. It was a great experience and again, great women.
Wednesday I had a callback for the host of a crazy show thing. I think it went well, we'll see. As always, I'll keep you informed. I had fun at the auditions either way.
Thursday was not too eventful.
Friday I had rehearsal for the reading of For the Love of Freedom, Part III all day. That went well. Saturday I had rehearsal for the reading of the other scene I was in. It was an excerpt from a play called At Rest, by Christina Ham. The director is the head of Towne Street Theatre, Nanci. She was an awesome director.
And then today I've been doing theatre all day. I arrived at the theatre at about 3:30pm (I wanted to be there earlier, but I was caught in traffic.) We performed the scenes from 4:00pm to about 5:45pm. All the scenes went really well. Thank you to all who came and supported, especially my friend Assaf! Also, thank you to the fantabulous actors who were in all the pieces, but especially the actors in my piece...Anne Thomas and Donald Agnelli...they rocked!
Then Assaf and I grabbed a bite to eat and caught up a little (we grew up doing theatre together in the Bay Area). And then it was back to the theatre to prepare for For the Love Of Freedom. That reading went well too. A strong group of actors will always take you home! The audience seemed to enjoy it, so thank you to them.
And, here I am, back to where I began. No more suspense........until......next .......week. I know, you can't.........wait! Please don't keep your loved ones in suspense. Tell them you love them. Share your day with someone. Reconnect with an old friend. It does wonders for the soul and the spirit. Talk to you soooooooon.
June 22, 2003
This week was pretty normal, save a couple of events. One of which was a visit to the dentist!! AAAAahhhhhhh!Wednesday I went to the dentist for this filling that has been bothering me since my new dentist replaced it (almost a year now). Anyway, this has been a bad tooth since I was twelve, or somewhere around there. So, long story short, they said I need a partial crown - gross...fake teeth. I think I always had dreams of never having to have that stuff in my mouth...I don't know why...I know it's silly. So, they took out the filling in order to fit take a mold for the crown. The cool / gross thing was when the filling was all out and the dentist turned to the assistant to say "isn't it beautiful?" And the assistant said, "Yes!" So, me, wanting to see what in the world was so neat said, "I wanna see!" Yes, I sounded like I was three years old. Anyway, they gave me a mirror and showed me the tooth, or rather, what is left of the tooth after the years of decay. Like I said earlier, it was cool and gross all at the same time....kind of like when you had to dissect frogs or pigs in biology...gross, yet cool and interesting... Anyway, in a week or so I will have a real live partial crown in my mouth. Just one question, just 'cause I'm not wearing the crown on my head, does that mean I'm not a queen?
So, Friday I was supposed to go sailing (I know, rough life!), but I got called for an audition. Woohoo! It was for a host for a pilot where the hosts are gonna do all this crazy stuff / stunts / and so forth. It was a fun audition. I'll keep you posted.
Saturday I came down with something... I don't know what. So, I stayed inside until the night (I mean, I'd melt in the sun...ooooohhhhh ooooohhhhh, aaaahhhhh (okay, that's supposed to be scary sounds). Actually, I had promised to volunteer at a fundraiser for the Greenway Court Theatre. It was Prom Fantasy, complete with actors playing the parts of ex-prom queens, Carrie (from the movie) and so on. It was fun, I got to dress up and see other crazy actors and producers act silly. I helped bus tables for a couple of hours, then headed home to the warmth of my boyfriend and my bed...I needed to get better.
This morning I felt better (still feeling half healed...). My boyfriend and I went to see my friends at the Farmer's Market where I ate awesome roasted corn and bought yummy fruit to make me better.
So, here I am, having updated the site and writing you. I hope you all are well and staying healthy! I send you all love and happiness...please, pass it on. Until next time...
June 16, 2003
Happy Monday to all. Well, not too much to report. I'm still trying to get my boyfriend's apartment back to the way it was before, but it's been a lot of work. Otherwise, the week was really normal. The only thing of interest that I can even think to tell you is that I've been having these strange jaw pains, like I can't open my mouth all the way. So, I went to the doctor for the second time, and they're not sure why it's doing that, so I'm going to get an x-ray. Maybe the Pigeon mites gave me lock jaw! Ha ha. Just kidding.This Saturday was my last playwrighting meeting for a while. I'm glad to have the time to work on other things, but sad that there won't be people pushing me to get my work done, and other people for me to encourage to get their work done. It's always easier for me to respond to deadlines for other people. I suppose that's a discipline issue of mine....oh well.
I've been listening to a lot of Tony Robbins and Wayne Dyer to keep myself motivated and not get too overwhelmed with the state of the world and my inability to change it on a large scale. I used to get anxiety attacks just from watching the news...so as you can imagine, I take my news in small doses. Instead, I try to keep focused on my purpose, my work, and the people I'm in contact with every day...like young kids from South Central and Watts, who are given such a limited view of their potential and the possibilities. I've learned to focus on the "each one teach one" concept, and try to affect change in that way. Imagine the large scale effect if everyone in the world, just loved and taught one person. It could potentially bring about world peace....
So, this week, let's all 'each one teach one.' Find the lesson, be the student, be the teacher, listen, learn, and love. Until next week...And happy Papa's Day to all of you fathers and fathers to be!
June 9, 2003
Two words....Pigeon Mites....don't ever get 'em, don't ever get 'em, don't ever get 'em!!! What in the world are pigeon mites you ask? Well, they are mites, little tiny things (there are three different kinds) that live off of birds. However, if, by chance, birds nest outside your home and then leave the nest...the mites can live up to six months without a host. Then what happens, you ask? Well, they start seeking another host...and if your window has just enough room for a mite to crawl through...then YOU become their next host! So GROSSS! Yes, and it happened to me and my boyfriend this week. We had been seeing these little tiny bugs that we thought were book mites or something...every once in a while. Then, Sunday, they started to appear en masse. Then, we started getting bit. Sunday night neither of us could sleep because we were killing mites and scratching all night. So Monday the building said they would send an exterminator ( or terminator as I like to call them). So we packed up the house, sent every stitch of clothing and cloth items we had to the cleaners / laundry, and we moved into a hotel for a few days. Definitely gross, gross, gross. We had to buy new clothes to wear all week....all the way down to the underwear. So what good can come out of pigeon mites you ask? Well, I got some new clothes, new underwear, new socks, the building shampooed the carpet and paid for the laundry, and now the mites are gone! Woohoo!Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep early on this week. I finally got a chance to catch up on my sleep on Thursday (in new sheets and blanket, by the way). Other than all of the drama, the week was pretty normal. The rest of the week, the weekend included was spent trying to get the house back in order, put the kitchen and bathroom stuff back in its proper place and so on!
So, what fun did I have this week? Well, my boyfriend took me to see The Matrix - Reloaded (yes again), but this time at the IMAX theatre. For those of you that don't know, its a huge huge huge screen and usually only plays nature films, but now, it's starting to show commercial feature films like The Matrix. So awesome. I think all movies should be at the IMAX, larger than larger than life. So cool. Thank you to my boyfriend for that special treat.
So, last week comes to an end, and the next starts. Congratulations to Vera from www.EmotionsInMotion.com and Stephen Pottle who both won the Proofsheet Contest! Woohoo! Thank you to all who played. I had fun looking at all of your picks! I will post the "official" photos soon...as soon as my scanner starts working! Ha! Love to all of you....tell someone you love them and make their day. Until next week!
June 1, 2003
Good Sunday to you all. This week was pretty normal. Monday was of course a holiday, so that was gooo-ooo-oood! Tuesday through Friday normal work days.Thursday night we had our playwrighting workshop (normally Saturdays). My script, that I've been rewriting for a while was up for discussion. Thank you to my dear friend Anne who came to read the lead woman - who only could be read so well by her! The rest of the people in the class took up the other roles, and we were off to read, and then discuss my play. Well, all in all, it came out that this a what's called a 'transitional draft.' Which basically means it made improvements from the first, but still has some stuff, character and structure issues to be worked out. So, back to the drawing board for me. At least this time I have a better idea of what I'm drawing!
So, since playwrighting was on Thursday, Saturday I had completely free...now did I leave the house? No.... Did I do any writing? No.... So what, then, did I do? I spent the day on the computer looking for a MiniDV camera. I'm going to invest in one soon (I'm still saving the money) - and I wanted to decide which kind, the features I need....and so on. For the first time in my life, I'm not impulse buying! I feel so mature! I even went to Consumer Reports and read what they had to say. I spent a lot of time on ebay...watching cameras come and go...and started to get slightly addicted to the gamble...so of course. I had to get off the computer!
Today was a really fun day that started with meeting my dear friend Tara and her boyfriend / fiancee at the Farmer's Market. My boyfriend, his little cousin, and I all went. It was a lot of fun; a good way to start the day. We woke up early, had breakfast at the market (I had a spinach omelette (sp?) crepe), and then loaded up on fresh tomatoes, corn, broccoli, strawberry's...and so on. Mmm, mm, mmm. Now, the only test is for me to actually use it all before it goes bad!
Then, we did a couple of errands for my boyfriend and headed out to Long Beach to enjoy the Sunset and the ocean. Not a bad day!
Now, I know there's a lot of crazy things happening in our world and around us every day, but the way to stay strong is to stay focussed and surround yourself with loving, non-judgemental people. Spread kindness and love and it will multiply. "Focus on what you're for, not what you're against" - Dr. Wayne Dyer. I send my love to all of you. Thank you all for your continued support. And always remember to let your super-b (be superb!). Until next week!
May 27, 2003
I don't know if you know this or not, but each time I sit down to write about my weekly events, I have to pull out my calendar so I can remember what I did and what happened over the past several days. But as I went to pull out my calendar today, I realized I have been quite neglectful of my calendar, I haven't been writing anything down! Argh! So I must write by memory. Let's seeeeeee...The week was pretty normal work wise, no exciting auditions or acting jobs. I did however, have rewrites of my play due this Saturday for a Playwright Workshop that I'm in....soooo, no phone, almost no email, and very little anything else, only writing, writing, writing.
Friday I received some sad news. My father told me that a good friend of his, Saul White, also an abstract expressionist painter / multi-media artist, had passed away the night before. It was totally unexpected and came as a shock to many of us, most of all his son, grandson, and good friends like my father. In fact, they are scheduled to have an exhibit together in Davis, California this summer. So, along with death, comes affirmation of life...at least for me. I had a good long talk with my father (which doesn't happen often). And, of course, leave it up to me to bring up the uncomfortable subject of what he wants the family to do with his paintings once he's gone. I hated asking on one hand, but on the other, I want to make sure we're doing as he wants with his life's work. Age is an interesting thing, if you believe in it (of course, I don't believe in it....). It seems there is that 'age' where many of one's friends begin to pass...and it seems like a dominoe effect. But the truth is, none of us is guaranteed another birthday, much less another day....and the moral of this story is make sure the people in your life know they are loved by you and that their presence on earth mattered and made a difference.
Then, Friday night, after the long talk with my father, I stayed up all night completing my rewrites. Finally....Saturday afternoon, I was finished. I took the rewrites to class and...well, I'll let you know next week!
Oh yeah, and Saturday was my mommy's birthday!! Happy Birthday Mommy! Woohoo!
Sunday afternoon I got a surprise...my boyfriend said we were going to spend the night camping with his father near Palm Springs. We stayed at a trout farm, yes, a trout farm. So, you fish in the morning, pay by the pound (it is a pond full of trout, so it's not like you weren't going to catch any!) and eat fish all day long while you kick back and hang out with family. It was a great time and I really enjoyed the company of his family, especially his younger cousins, who all are in the process of discovering their own unique talents and gifts.
We came back Monday evening and didn't hit too much traffic. We got home, I unpacked, did laundry, did some stuff for work and fell asleep. Happy Belated birthday to my friend Craig whose birthday party I missed that night!
So, now, back to the grind...boy I love it! Everyday is an adventure. I also was recently asked to adapt a novel into a screenplay, so that is my next project. I haven't had time to write too much poetry, but all in due time.
So love the hustle, love the game, love the art that we call life. Everything exists in perfect harmony and their is a reason for it all. Strive to love and understand one another and the whole world will be made better by your efforts. Until next time....
May 25, 2003
Just wanted to take a second and tell you that I'll write tomorrow! I'm going camping....Woohoo! Until tomorrow....May 18, 2003
I wonder if it's true when they say that time seems to move faster the older you get! I know this week flew by like nobody's business. I haven't figured out why yet, but when I do, I'll let you know!Well, up until yesterday, I didn't have much to report to you. The week days were occupied with my normal work schedule, hours in traffic, and too many trips to the gas pump!
On Wednesday, however, I did have an audition! Woohoo! It was for a small role on the soap opera Passions....yes, cheezy, but work that pays! Okay! Well, at this point, I'm assuming I didn't get the part (they shoot this Tuesday) since I haven't heard from them. But I do feel I did well in the audition. I'm not heartbroken over this one, I have to say. I am, as usual, thankful for the opportunity and for having met a new casting director. F.Y.I. - FOR ACTORS - Jackie Briskey prefers headshots that are straight up and down, not the sideways ones. I found that out and thought I would share it!
So, on Saturday afternoons I normally have my playwrighting workshop with the Robey Theatre Company. There is also another class held in the mornings. Well, this week, the morning class needed actors to read the play they were discussing. (It always helps a writer to hear their words out loud...to see what works, what doesn't work, and what might need more or less, and so on!) So, anyway, I went to act for the morning class. I didn't read a very big role, but the script was very interesting, the story of Hannibal (of Carthage 240 B.C.) and the Romans, and his downfall. And, like many wars, the main one is said to have been caused by a woman...or a man's love of one....WHATEVER!!! Why are women the cause of EVERYTHING evil? We MADE Adam eat the apple / fruit...Helen MADE Troy keep her and fight a war and then get suckered into bringing a huge horse into their walls... and the loss of Sophinisba is supposed to be the reason Massinissa betrayed Hannibal to the Romans. For as much as men discount the power of women, they sure seem to be ruled by it! Ha!
So, that afternoon I went to my class where we discussed on our member's rewrites (among other things). Next week my rewrites are due... OH NO!!! I have to get to work on those.
Then I get home that evening to a message from an old professor from college. Her message said something about a possible gig. So, I call back, thinking it's probably an opportunity to come to campus and perform my poetry. She tells me that her dear friend is directing a play celebrating the 200th year of independence for Haiti and it will be performing at Carnegie Hall this Friday. Well, seems they were having a few issues with two of the actresses (scheduling...and so on) and were possibly looking for a replacement. My name came up for a couple of reasons. Not only from my professor who is always so incredible supportive, but also because of my involvement of the Haitian plays here in LA and the Robey Theatre Company. Anyway, they emailed the script, I said I was interested, and they said, we'll call you tonight and let you know what happens. I didn't hear from them until this morning (so I figured the actress they were waiting on came through). Turns out one of their actresses came through, but the other didn't. So, I was almost on a plane to New York tomorrow night....until, a few hours later, they realized the budget wasn't going to be able to provide my housing and transportation (they're original actress was local). Soooo, I will not be performing at Carnegie Hall..... this time!
And that's my week folks. A continual up and down ride, with turns I don't see coming. The trick is to be prepared for anything, while keeping your mind and heart on the path of your choice. And yes, I did see Matrix Reloaded today. For those that don't know, The Matrix is one of my all time favorite movies, that maybe at one point I'll explain why. The second one left me quite satisfied and looking forward to the third. Always remember there are rules to this world, but understand that we all have the ability to break them and create the life we truly desire...'our thoughts create our reality.' - Dr. Wayne Dyer (and many others!) Don't forget to live and love! Until next week....
May 11, 2003
Soo, not much to report this week. On Monday I got my car smog checked...and eventually, after spending the whole day at the mechanic plus a half a day the next day, it passed! (Whew!)Tuesday was a work day. Wednesday (the additional half day for my car at the mechanic) I was actually picked up from the mechanic by my good friend and we went to the Los Angeles Zoo. It was actually an incredible day, spending time with my friend, and enjoying all the animals. I'm sort of torn about zoos, half way wanting them to not exist at all (animals in cages and such) and the other half loving the opportunity to see some of these rare animals up close. I know it sounds a bit selfish, but it is true. I do find that the LA Zoo has improved their habitats considerably and also the landscaping is great. But I couldn't help thinking that the giraffes and elephants probably wanted much more space to run! Maybe one day we'll be able to find a balance between natural habitats, safe breeding areas for endangered species, and the ability for human observation. I find animals only help bring me closer to the understanding of how perfect (although it may not always seem that way) the universe truly is.
So, Thursday and Friday both normal days. Then Saturday I had my playwrighting workshop. This week we worked on collages for the world of our play and the characters. It was an interesting process. I really discovered how little I know about some of my characters... which is not a good thing! I have a rewrite due in two weeks....I'll let y'all know how that goes.
And then today, Mother's Day. I wanted to surprise my mommy and go see her, but unfortunately, things didn't work out that way. I hope to see her soon. I called her and wished her a happy Mommy's day in any case. (She's not big on gifts.)
I hope you all had a wonderful and insightful week and continue to live that each day. Don't forget to tell your mommy you love her. Then tell someone else. I love you all. Until next week!
May 4, 2003
Well, I'm back, on Sunday....So I will catch you up on the last two weeks, there's been some exciting stuff happening, thus my lack of time to write! Okay, just so it's clear, two weeks ago (April 21st - 27th)......I worked as usual. Okay, that's not very exciting, I know. But what was exciting was that the director of the documentary that I was in (The Truth, The Pain, The Sacrifice...www.TrupsProd.com) has written her own movie and is working on securing the financing for it. Well, she asked me to play one of the leads! So, I also spent the week doing my homework (familiarizing myself with the script as much as possible, making strong character choices, defining my relationship with all the other characters...) for our scheduled reading on Friday.
In the meantime, my tutuoring job called me with some extra one time assignments. I was happy to do it because I can use the money, but it took a lot of time. So, Friday I did the reading of the script with the director and the other lead actress. It went really well. Then I spent the rest of the weekend tutoring...yes, all weekend.
I did have one break Saturday night where I featured at Soulstice at Shades of Africa in Long Beach. It was a great group of warm and talented people. Thanks to JayCee the Poet (who by the way is my very first fan...and now the host of the night) for bringing me out. Thank you to Shades of Africa for such a warm response...and soon, my CD will be available for purchase there! How cool is that! (Thanks Renee!)
Okay, now on to this past week. Well, one thing that I hadn't told you guys about was a phone call that I received several weeks ago. I didn't want to tell you about it until things actually happened, because if it hadn't happened, then we all would have been bummed, right? So, what, you ask, was this mysterious phone call? Well, it was from the people at Soul City Cafe (the project for unsigned artists that Jewel has created, www.SoulCityCafe.com). Apparently, Avon is starting a new line of make-up and they wanted Jewel to bless the cover of their magazine / catalogue for this new brand called mark. The cool thing is, they also (Avon) wanted to have a couple of the Soul City Cafe artists on the cover with Jewel, young women "making their mark" so to speak. So, guess who Avon picked? (Obviously I wouldn't be telling you with such build up if it wasn't me...) ME! and another young woman who is in this year's finals, Abby Dobson.
Sooooo, Wednesday morning I was on a plane to New York, where a man in suit and tie was waiting and holding a sign with my name on it. He drove me to the hotel, all courtesy of Avon... That night I had dinner with my cousins and wished my little cousin good luck on her SAT's (she took them yesterday!)
Thursday I had lunch with my good friend downtown and then it was off to my fitting at the Avon building. Of course, I was early, but at the wrong building! Luckily, when I figured it out, I was only a few blocks away from where I was supposed to have been. Ugh, a little embarrassing!
Once there, the room was filled with clothes, pants, skirts, shirts, jackets, boots, and hats. I had a ball trying on everything they would put me in. Some stuff I liked more than the others, but it was all fun...being the star for the day!
Then, Friday morning, I was picked up at the hotel and driven to the location for the photo shoot. My hair and make-up were done beautifully thanks to Matthew and Anne Marie, and then I was dressed quite funkily (is that a word?) thanks to Mimi and Ann. Abby had the same and we were out of the trailer, sitting on set... with Jewel! She was as kind and down to earth as she always is, with boyfriend right by her side. She kept us laughing with her own sense of humor and made both Abby and I feel right at home. Meanwhile, the talented photographer, Ben, is making us laugh too, but then saying, "chin down, not too smiley, not too serious, head to the right, head to the left, that's it...remember that one, take notes, not too smiley..." and on it went. I was usually the one who was too smiley...me and my big mouth! Ha ha. So, we spent about a half an hour shooting with Jewel, then they did some of her by herself, then they did some with Abby and I together. All in all, it took less than four hours!
So, Abby and I said our goodbye's and thank you's and shared a cab uptown. She lives in New York, so she was headed home, I on the other hand, had just a few hours before the car came to get me for the airport. Soo, you're in New York, you only have about an hour and a half, and the sun is out...where do you go? Central Park? Would have been nice, but I opted for.....you guessed it, FAO Schwartz. I'm a sucker for it. I love it in there. I didn't buy a thing, just walked around like a little kid and wanted to play with everything I could. (I think it was that scene in "Big" that gave me the fascination with the place.) Before I knew it, it was time to get to the airport.
The flight home was fine, especially since I had three seats to myself! I arrived home to yet another driver and...the rain! It was raining! Oh well, we need it, that's for sure.
That night, my boyfriend and I rented a movie and just relaxed until we both fell asleep.
Yesterday I went to my playwright writing workshop where we discussed the Kia Corthrin play "Breath, Boom" about female gangsters in the Bronx. I didn't get the chance to read it yet but it was an interesting discussion on violence, structure, and theatrical purpose.
And here we are, to today...all caught up. A pretty great two weeks if I do say so myself. Thank you to everyone who continues to make my journey possible...including all of you that read this journal! I wish everyone love and prosperity and kindness. Then, pass it on! Until next time....
April 21, 2003
It is a real Monday today...plus I am one week behind. So, I will catch up today for the last two weeks and hopefully get back on schedule! Let's see...Monday morning I headed back to New York as there was talk of a snow storm hitting the East Coast (some said 2-3 inches, others said 6-8 inches)...and the last thing I wanted to happen was that I got stuck in Connecticut and couldn't get to Long Island for the show that brought me to New York! So, on the bus to the train to New York early in the morning. By the time I got to New York, it was like winter. It was a blizzard! (At least to me!) It was snowing hard, I couldn't see five feet in front of me. It lightened up about a half hour later. So, the whole city was covered in snow...in April. It was freezing, and cool all at the same time (when was the last time I was in a snow storm?...a while ago!). That night I went to a play reading at the Drama Book Store on 40th street, directed by my good friend from college, Thomas Kail. He and three other friends founded their own theatre company (Backhouse Productions) and were able, withing their first year of existence, to secure a "home" for their company, at the bookstore. The last time I was there, everything was still under construction, so it was great to see it all up and running and packed! They have really taken their good fortune and shared it with other talented writers and actors and given those talents a forum to express themselves. The play read was funny and made a point, and the acting was fantastic. The readings are monthly and open to the public, so if you're in New York and want to check them out, drop by the Drama Book Store on 40th (Between 7th and 8th I think) and ask about the Backhouse Staged Readings.
So Tuesday I stayed inside all day and played with my cousin's bunny Chloe. That evening my cousin's husband (cousin in-law?) bought my little cousin (well, she's 16) and I tickets to see Life X 3 - starring Helen Hunt, Brent Spiner, John Turturro, and another woman whose name I can't recall this second. It was an interesting piece, performed at the famous Circle In The Square theatre. I enjoyed it all in all, an interesting perspective on people's individual perception of the same occassion. My cousin in-law had a laser effect in the show. It was also cool to watch all the actors so up close (closer than you get in most Broadway theatres).
Wednesday I can't remember at the moment. Most of the day I spent preparing for my workshop in Long Island and packing my "costume" - or rather what I was planning on wearing!
Thursday, Bayshore High School in Long Island sent a car to pick me up in Manhattan and take me to Long Island, along with Erin Gruell and Faye (her right hand). That evening we met with the student organizers and high achievers of the writers conference for which we were all there, Ethnic Pen. Erin, Faye, and I were joined by a film director, screenplay writer, and a professor from Georgia...whose name escape me at the moment...I will add them in later for sure. In addition, the dinner also was attended by Nina Wolff, the Director of English at Bayshore and the fire behind Ethnic Pen, the Principal and a member of the school board (I think). Most importantly though, were the students and their desire to learn and write!
Friday everyone did their thing for Ethnic Pen, shared inspirational stories, taught workshops, shared their films, their struggles, their successes, and I of course, performed my poetry. The students were incredibly open and receptive, AND, they bought every book and CD I had brought with me! Unbelievable! Thank you to Bayshore, Nina Wolff, and the three students that discovered me at the Jewel concert and allowed me to participate in such an awe inspiring event.
Friday night I headed back to New York to rest and watch late night movies on cable.
Saturday morning I had brunch with my great Aunt Helen and her daughter Alicia at Tavern on the Green in Central Park, yes Tavern on the Green DAHLING! It was great to see the both of them and catch up with their lives and their successes with Mary Kay...(if you need any Mary Kay product, I got the hook up!) That afternoon I was supposed to make it to Connecticut, but didn't. Happy Belated birthday to Liza! I'm sorry I missed the party!
Sunday afternoon my little cousin (yes, she's 16!) and I went to see Def Poetry Jam on Broadway...thanks to Poetri the Poet (one of the performers and a founder of Da' Poetry Lounge, where I became the poet that I am today....!) I admit, in the beginning I thought it was gonna be like any other open mic...but better. But it wasn't, it was fantastic. I knew several of the poets and was impressed with the changes and growth of their pieces and performances. The DJ was hot and kept the energy up and every single one of them simply brought it! Congradulations to everyone who was involved, it was a moving, thoughtful piece of theatre that Broadway has never (and may never again) see the likes of. If you will be in New York, you must check it out.
Monday I headed to the Natural History Museum and missed the last planetarium show, so instead I went to the planetarium shop and bought gifts. I must spend more time in that museum!
Tuesday morning, at 4 am, I headed to the airport with my cousin and her husband at the wheel and boarded the 7am flight to Los Angeles. Upon arrival, I was greeted by my wonderful boyfriend and a dozen roses in celebration of my birthday. Thank you baby!
Wednesday I was back at work and back to the norm.
Friday I had a meeting with a film director that is considering me for a part in her independent film. I'll keep you posted on that.
Saturday was my playwright writing workshop where we discussed the structure of the play Zooman and the Sign by Charles Fuller - a very interesting thing to break the structure of someone else's piece, then try to do it for your own. It really helps to identify one's strong points and the points that need work! That evening I went to a barbecue celebrating the birthday of my manager. Happy Birthday Danielle!
Then Sunday, Easter, my boyfriend's birthday, we went to Disneyland (which, if you've been reading this journal, you know is one of my favorite places). Thank you to him for taking me for a day of fun and relaxation and roller coasters...(okay, only the mild ones because I don't like feeling like I'm going to die!).
Well, that should catch you all up, if you actually had the patience to read the whole thing. I wish you all happy and healthy days and love and art that feed your soul! Until next...um, Sunday?
April 6, 2003
Well, it's Sunday, but about one Sunday late! Last week I had so much work to finish and product to make to prepare for my New York trip, that I didn't get a chance to write. And I feel like I've been on the go since then. So, let's see what I can remember to report.The week before last was full of work, work, work. I was glad to do it because I enjoy earning money, but I didn't leave too much time to rest. And, what little time I had at home, I spent putting together buttons and books for my shows in New York. Sooooo....I worked this past Monday and Tuesday and headed to the airport bright and early on Wednesday morning.
I arrived to a warm welcome from my cousins in New York City! They have graciously agreed to share their home with me, along with their parakeets and loving rabbit Chloe. Thank you to all of them for going out of their way to make me feel at home and spoil me....(just a little!)
Wednesday night I went to a staged reading of The Bow Wow Club, written by Levy Lee Simon. It was hilarious and moving all at the same time. If you are in New York, you should look out for the future production of it.
Thursday, I tried to update my website from a Macintosh computer, but...as Macs have a tendency to do...it kept crashing...so I gave up.
Friday I rested and planned for my performance at the Nuyorican Poet's Cafe. My cousin helped me rent a video camera to capture the show...and she filmed it! My cousin (an ex-ballet dancer and now teacher), her husband (a light sculptor), and her daughter (a beautiful young dancer and poet) all came to support me. And, surprisingly enough, Felice Belle, who had since retired from her Nuyorican hosting duties, guest hosted the evening! So all of that, along with a great audience, and some incredibly talented slammers (Lamb, Claudia,Ms. J, and Dream), made for an awe inspiring show.
Saturday morning I hit the train and went to New Haven to see my friend Phyllis Johnson perform in A Winter's Tale for her second year at the Yale School of Drama. She, and the show were fantastic. I was quite impressed. Thank you to Phyllis for spending what little time she had free with me!
Then today I travelled even further North to....drum roll please....you guessed it, Middletown! Well, Wesleyan to be exact. On my way there I heard speak of a snow storm to hit tomorrow...and me with no snow shoes, only my sneakers! Oh well. But my day was well spent with my adopted little sister Lovely, who I tutored when I was in school. She's grown to a beautiful young girl and continues to impress me with her strength and passion. Her step-mom, one of my professors / mentors, and her dad, sister, and brother, welcomed me as part of the family. We had a great dinner, cooked with the special ingredient of Haitian love! Sooooo good. I met Lovely's new tutor and spent some quality time with Lovely.
So now I am here, finally on line, updating (at least a little) my website. For those of you waiting for a new poem, I'm sorry, you will have to wait a little longer, but it will be there in the near future. So, thank you all for your thoughts, words, and inspiration. Please, please, please, let the people you love, know that you love them, in the best way you know how, or in an entirely new way. Hopefully I will find a place to write next week, but if not, until next time...
March 23, 2003
Well, I'm half writing this and half listening to the Oscars, so forgive my split attention. There's not too much to report this week, although I did have a few auditions.Monday I worked and then met with my long lost friend Amy. We grew up doing theatre together and we finally found each other here in LA and have begun to rekindle our friendship. I'm glad to have re-found her!
Thursday night Amy and I went to see the invited dress rehearsal of A Clockwork Orange playing at the Greenway Court Theatre. (Catherine Zeta Jones just won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress in Chicago!) Anyway, the show, Clockwork, is brillant and will be running for almost two months. Anyone in LA should check it out. Aimee (one of the actresses in the show), you are amazing!
Friday was work and an audition for an original play called Private Battle being produced with the Watts Village Theatre. I got called back to read for a different role on Saturday. Then on Saturday, I was asked to read another role! So, the director seems to like me, but is not sure where to put me. I'll keep you posted as always!
Later that afternoon I went to my playwright writing workshop where my play was in the "hot seat." Let's just say I have a lot of work to do. So, to the rewrite!
Then, this afternoon I had an audition for a short film. I think it went okay. We'll see. So, now I'm home finishing work and watching the Oscars (which I normally don't do, but my friend is dancing in them...so I have to watch her). I wish you all peace and love and pray for the safe return of those fighting a war that too many of us don't understand. Until next week....
March 16, 2003
Hello to all. I just walked in from what I hope to be the Academy Award Winning film for Best Picture....Chicago! It was so delicious. I got chills throughout a lot of the film. Of course it helped that one of my friends who is a professional dancer, danced in the movie, and had enough shots that I could see her and point her out to my boyfriend (who, by the way, was equally taken by the film). This week was definitely one of my best weeks in a long time. Why? you ask? Well, read on!Monday was usual work. Then, later in the day, I met with that home buying group I told y'all about a while ago. The are called NACA (Neighborhood Assistance Corporation of America - call your local information to find out more about them). So, they sat down with me and looked at all I had. It's going to take a while, but little by little, I can start working toward home ownership. I'm just happy they didn't send me away and say that I was a lost cause!
Tuesday I had a call back for the film for which I had a "meet and greet" a while ago. I thought they had forgotten about me, but apparently not. Instead, they found a name (an actor with a "sellable" name) to play the role for which I had met them. In any case, it turns out I know the director from an audition years ago. I know he liked my work back then, but he pulled out of that project, and I didn't get the part. So, he brought me back for this project. I had fun at the audition, but I'm pretty sure I didn't get the part since they start filming this week, and I haven't heard anything. I'm a little dissappointed, but not devastated. Sometimes, though, I just wish they would call you either way, you know, say yes you got it, or no you didn't...instead of just leaving people hanging!
Later that night I went to a Wesleyan networking reception which was interesting. I don't know if I met anyone who's going to give me or help get me any work, but I met some talented writers and cool people. All in all, not a bust.
So Wednesday is the day that I had been looking forward to for about three months now. Why? you ask? Because I had signed up to hear Ray Bradbury (one of my favorite writers since I was 12...see the Influences and Inspirations page!) speak about the Art of Writing. It was a course being offered by the Learning Annex. At the last minute, my boyfriend decided to join me. It was all I could have imagined and more. He is almost 83 and fiesty as ever. He continues to influence my choices as an artist, and I am so thankful for having had the opportunity to meet him! Of course I had a book signed, and found someone with a digital camera (thanks John!) to take a picture of us:
(a little blurry, but who cares!). The three things that I'd like to share with you here that he said are:
1. To hell with it! (Say this whenever you deem necessary.) 2. Get your work done! (Don't let anything stop you.) 3. Make a list of all the people who don't believe in you. Call them at midnight and FIRE them! I'll add more to the "Influences" page in the next few weeks. So, can you tell I'm still beaming? And, the fact that my boyfriend was there just really completed the circle. It's a feeling that I can't find the words for right now, but soon I will find the words and share them with you!
Thursday and Friday, normal work days.
Saturday I started back with my playwright's workshop through the Robey Theatre Company (www.RobeyTheatreCompany.com). It was great to be back and amongst people who are going to MAKE me write!
Then today was a great lazy day with my boyfriend. I exercised, cleaned a little, went to the movies, had a great dinner, and rented a movie for this evening. I admit I almost put journaling off until tomorrow. But, I'm trying to get rid of this thing called procrastination...sooooo, here you have it! I hope this all finds you well. Everyone, even if you're not an artist (or so you think) please visit the Influences and Inspiration page and read the letter from Ray Bradbury. Figure out what your work in the world is, your gift that you were meant to share, then "Get your work done!"
March 9, 2003
Okay, I think this is the first time since I started this journal, that I've actually missed a week. As you can imagination, I have loads of excuses (couldn't get the computer time, new job, got sick, taxes...blah, blah, blah). Nonetheless, they are still excuses, no matter how valid they are. So, I'm back, here to catch you all up on the last two weeks of my life. Some really cool things happened.Okay, a long time ago (Feb. 24th) I went to the Learning Annex's Evening with Deepak Chopra. It was incredible. I am still reading over my notes to reinforce everything I learned. My friend Locksley also joined me. I got a few books signed and spent an entire evening focused on making my life, and other people's lives better. Really fantastic night. The book I'm reading now is Deepak's "Grow Younger, Live Longer" book. It offers some very practical steps to improving your mental and physical health. Good stuff, I highly recommend it!
Friday (Feb. 28th) I got a chance to meet with my friend from New York, Joe. He's acting as my publicist alongside being a good friend. So we "did lunch" at Sante on La Brea...awesome restaurant by the way - all healthy food that doesn't taste like it! We talked about my career goals and how he can help me, blah, blah, blah. Okay, wait, I shouldn't say that. I do want to mention that it is important to have career goals. So many people (myself included) plod around with no real goal and achievement in sight. Setting a career goal gives you something to work toward every day, even if it's a little bit day by day. Nothing is impossible. Everything is within your reach...but you gotta know what you're reaching for. And, if it changes along the way, let it change, as long as it's okay with your soul!
Okay, so fast forward to this past Tuesday (I was sick by this time). My boyfriend and I attended another Learning Annex course given by Jewel (the singer www.jeweljk.com). It was a great evening of again, setting myself on the right path and taking the steps toward leading an effective life. Lenedra Carroll (Jewel's mom and manager) gave us great information, but more importantly posed some great questions. I'm still working on the answers. One of the questions was "Why do you do what you do?" Oh man. I challenge anyone who reads this entry to email me with your answer. I'm still developing mine. Thank you to Lenedra ( www.LenedraJCarroll.com) for an enlightening evening.
So, here I am, still a little sick, still trying to gather tax stuff, total receipts, do the laundry, cook dinner, okay - the list goes on and on. But the point is, live your life to its fullest, but still take care of those things that need taking care of. Manage your time, schedule in lots of breaks and relaxation, and work toward your goal, career, life, or otherwise. I hope this finds you all well....and by next week, I will be well too!!! Until next time....
February 26, 2003
Okay, so it's Wednesday again. Long week. In fact, this isn't even Nafeesa writing anymore, she is just too tired and has to get to bed. Instead this is her alter ego, better known as Muf, writing for Nafeesa.Naf's (aka Nafeesa) week began with re-registering with Central Casting, the most prominent extra's casting company in LA. Extra work is by no means Naf's ideal job, but it pays, it feeds, and the money goes toward the union health insurance...so....
Wednesday of last week, Naf went to pick up her headshots that were supposed to be ready (the duplication of one of the new ones) but of course, there was a mix up and she had to wait another week for them to get done. But as Deepak Chopra (and many others say) "When things don't go your way, it's God's way of letting you know he has bigger plans in store..." - and lo and behold, because of the mix up, Nafeesa's headshots would now be reproduced with a better quality process, i.e. better headshots. Okay, there is a reason for everything...
Thursday Nafeesa performed with a group of dancers and poets and drummers, gathered by Shari Randolph, to perform for a Black History Month event for Carpenter Elementary School. The performances and kids were great...and it was a paid gig! Nafeesa was very excited about that (as you can imagine).
Then Friday was the day of job interviews, a position as a Teacher's Assistant in the morning and the position of a "Mad" Scientist in the afternoon. Naf was offered both positions, but for the time being only accepted the first. And that, my friends, is why I (Muf) am writing tonight. Naf started her new job this week (still part-time with time to go to auditions) and it requires a little bit more time than she's used to giving to regular folk's work. But, Nafeesa informs me (from her comfortable spot on the couch) that the job is great, working with kids, caring teacher's, and no stringent dress code!
Then, this past Sunday, Nafeesa performed a poem for a Black History presentation at a church. It went quite well, in fact the entire presentation was entertaining, but more importantly, educational.
Then, after the performance, Nafeesa drove down to Long Beach to see one of her good friends perform in the play "Raisin" at the Long Beach Performing Arts Center. Her other good friend Locksley joined her for this fantastic show. Unfortunately, Naf's boyfriend couldn't make it... you know, real estate meetings and such. But, Naf's friend, Anne Thomas, was fantastic. She is just a powerful presence to watch on stage. Look out for her on Broadway soon!!!!
So that was last week for Naf, or so she tells me. Oh yeah, she also wanted me to share with you that she is a huge fan of Dharma & Greg (the television show that is only in re-runs now) and that if you get the chance, catch an episode and be sure to tape the end (all the way through the credits). Why you ask? Well, the producer, Chuck Lorre, does a thing called a vanity card, where he shares his thoughts, or craziness (depending on the day). But it goes so fast, you've got to tape it to read it. There is a lot of wisdom (and craziness) but mostly wisdom to be found there. It's kind of fun too. Of course, now with the new job, Naf has to tape the entire episode of Dharma & Greg so she can get to bed in time to wake up in time to get to work in time...and so on.
Naf sends all her love, and so do I (that's Muf, for those that missed that part). Don't forget to spread love, ba ba da...that should be a song, oh wait, it is! Until next week....wait, no... until this SUNDAY!!!!
February 19, 2003
Okay, so this week it is "Real WEDNESDAY"....I've have been in a weird space all week long, so that's probably why it took me so long to write. Who knows. The full moon really seem to be affecting every aspect of my life.Monday I had a meeting with a theatre company, for whom I'm going to edit archive copies of the videos of their last two productions. The meeting went well, I'm excited about the project, but as I left, I thought, "why do I always do things pro-bono?" In this case, I'm in both plays, so at least I know the edit will be decent, and I am happy to do it. But I realized also that I need to start demanding a certain level of compensation for the work I do. Especially if I'm good at it! Anyway, the meeting was in Hollywood and I was supposed to meet a friend (a long lost friend from childhood with whom I finally re-connected!) near by a little later on. So, since I had a few hours to kill, I thought I would go check my mail (at least a 15 mile drive). So, I'm on the freeway, almost at my mailbox and my car radio goes out. (Did I mention that the battery light and brake light had needlessly come on the previous Friday? The car is old, so I always just think the lights are having fun, turning on and off with no real message to share....) So now I'm forced to decide if my radio is broken or if the car is flipping out. Just in case, I call my mechanic and schedule some time to come in later in the week. I hang up, then call back a few minutes later and say that I want to bring it in Tuesday...and while I'm on the phone with him, the car dies. So, AAA came to tow me BACK to Hollywood (not a free tow I might add) and my car went in the shop.
So, I get a rental car (not a free one I might add...), miss my meeting with my friend : ( and head to a meeting with my agent in regards to a contract. These people are doing a dramatic film about poetry and they are having a lot of poets perform their pieces. I guess I'm probably the only one who had a few issues with the contract. So, I met with my agent, we requested the changes and I haven't heard from them since. Oh well, I would have liked to participate in the project, but what can I do? I have to protect myself. FYI: A contract should spell out all the possible scenarios with any recorded material. Always question clauses that are unclear, or could be left up to interpretation. Make sure you know if you are signing you, or your work away!
So I left there and headed (barely in time) to a real estate investor's meeting. (Can you tell I'm trying to motivate myself to get my finances in gear to own a home??)
So, now Tuesday was an okay day. I had an audition in the morning for a movie with Busta Rhymes. I did well, but there may be an issue with my age...something I have no control over. I didn't have to go to my tour guide job because it was raining, so I went home and took a nap. Then, my car was ready that afternoon (Hallelujah!) Of course, the money spent fixing the inside of the car was originally the money I had received from the accident to fix the outside of the car...so now, no outside fixing, at least not for a little while. But I'm glad it's running!
Okay, here's another kicker...I still hadn't heard from the poetry movie people and I was supposed to film on Wednesday. So, to protect myself from paying for a missed appointment, I canceled my chiropractor appointment/massage. Of course, movie people never called, so I could've gotten my massage!!! I was able to get an adjustment and came back Thursday for the massage.
Okay, Thursday, relaxing day....go to get my car oil changed, go to my massage, go to check my mail, go to check my boat (it'd been raining for three days by now). So I'm at the boat, leaning over checking one of the dock lines and out my cell phone falls, out of my pocket, into the ocean. And by the time I bent over to catch it, it had disappeared into the murky abyss!!! Ugh!!!! So, I go to get another phone (not a free one I might add...) and it doesn't work for the rest of the night. So not only did I lose all the phone numbers (many were backed up, but not all) but anyone who called me that day got a message that the phone was disconnected!
Okay, by Friday the phone is working, and lo and behold, it's Valentine's day! By far the BEST day of the week. My boyfriend took me to Disney's California Adventure. The park was cool, and not too crowded. We had awesome Japanese food for dinner and then stayed the night in the Disney hotel. It was nice to just disappear, even if it was only for 24 hours or so. Saturday we slept in, had room service bring breakfast, and then headed out to my show in Corona.
For some reason, I was a little nervous about the Corona show (a full one hour set.) So I practiced the set on my boyfriend on the drive over. All in all it was a great show. There was a small crowd, but they all stayed for the entire hour! I didn't think that was going to happen. Probably one of the best things was that a couple of people who saw me at other venues, came to support! So, thank you to G. Chris and Fahmida for coming to support me. It meant so much. Thank you of course to my good friend and producer Glen for being there and to all the other's whose faces were new to me.
So then, Saturday night I rented "The Bourne Identity"...yes I admit, I'm a Matt Damon fan. I enjoyed it. It felt good to vegitate in front of the TV. Because Sunday and Monday were spent sorting through my boyfriend's receipts and tax papers, preparing him for getting his taxes done. Talk about wading through paper, I think there were like five huge boxes full of stuff. But even though we were working, we were together, so that part I enjoyed (even when he didn't want to organize things the way I wanted to organize them!)
So there you have it folks, the long, long week that just passed. I hope you all forgive me for being so tardy. And in case you're wondering, I haven't heard from any of the auditions yet, you'll be the first to know!
May you all find calm in you hectic lives and spend time with someone you love. Until next....Sunday (or Monday or Tuesday or....just kidding!)
February 9, 2003
So, this week was a bit more eventful than last week. Monday I registered with a temp agency. Surprisingly, I did really well on my typing and software tests! So now all I have to do is call when I'm available, and possibly I could get some work for the day. So that's good.Wednesday I was supposed to get a massage at my chiropractor's, but the masseuse was sick and couldn't make it. It must not be meant for me to get a massage! So, instead, I took the time to go to my manager's and agent's offices to have them pick out headshots. I will put them online today so those of you that want to "play" and pick two shots that you think were the ones chosen, you can. The winner will get a prize!
Thursday I took my shots in to get blown up to 8 x 10's. Then, after tutoring, I went to my girlfriend's dinner party. It was at a friend's house who I almost never see. We went to college together. What was really incredible was that almost all of us at the party were from Northern California, or had lived there before moving to LA. And lo and behold, I found out that a lot of them (who were involved in music somehow) were friends and/or had worked with my brother! It actually turns out that my friend's boyfriend is really good friends with my brother, has been for like seven years! Who knew? So that was funny and telling of how small the world really is. Dinner was great, jumbalaya - no shrimp (I'm not the biggest seafood fan), salad, dessert, and all kinds of crazy cool people.
Friday I had a "meet and greet" with a writer / producer of a low budget film. Now some of you are saying, what is a meet and greet? Well, instead of going in and reading a scene, or acting, this is when the movie people want to meet YOU...get a sense of who the actor is in real life, maybe see if they think they could work with you, or whatever. It was a long wait to get in, but I walked out with a script to read (which not everyone did!). So, we'll see, it could be a decent project!
Also Friday I got a call from some other really low budget film makers who are making a film about spoken word. They want me to perform one of my pieces in the project! So, although they're not paying me a million dollars (my asking price of course! Ha ha!), I have agreed to participate in the project. So that should be filming sometime this week, which I'm excited about. I just love being on a set where I'm a working actor (or poet as the case may be!).
Then, Friday night I performed a couple pieces at the Pan African Film Festival. It all happened so last minute that I didn't have time to send out an email. It was a great evening, and to my surprise, Jason Samuels Smith (the tap dancer from my CD) was there to perform as well. So, we did the poem to which he dances and then of course, he danced it out for like seven more minutes. He danced so hard the electricity in the theatre went out half way through! (Okay he may not have been the cause, but it did go out.) Then when he was done, I was supposed to do another piece, but by now there were no lights and no mic's. Oh well, I thought, I'm loud! I checked to see if everyone could hear me, they said yes, so I continued. Soon enough the video cameras that had lights attached came to the front and put me in their tiny spot light. It was fun. Of course, after I was done, the electricity came back! I suppose it was just too much juice with all the lights AND my poetry! Ha ha! Anyway I met some great people and poets that night. I'm glad to have had the opportunity.
Yesterday I went to home buying seminar with my boyfriend and found out that I have a lot to do before I can buy a house! But I knew that already. In any case it was helpful information and I'm glad I went.
So today, I write you, check email, try to return it all, and get to reading a second script (that I was supposed to have read a week ago!) I hope this finds you all well and in good health. How amazing we all are and in what perfection we have been created. Appreciate you, your body, your mind, your spirit. Appreciate all these things in others. It can only bring you joy! Until next week...
February 2, 2003
A quiet week this week. I forgot to mention that I had auditioned for a play with music last week. I'm not much of a singer anymore (because I haven't been training my voice) but I wanted to challenge myself so I would get less scared to sing in front of people. The audition went well, but I don't think I sang well enough. Rehearsals started yesterday, and, uh, I didn't hear anything! Normally I would be sad, but in this case, I'm okay. I auditioned for the experience of auditioning moreso than to be in the play. Anyway...Wednesday night was the Actor's Showcase. It went really well. Some important people were there and were pleased with the result. It felt good to do something for my career, and to have a good show.
Thursday I did a VERY short feature at A Mic and Dim Lights in Pamona. My boyfriend came with me which was nice. The venue was packed as usual, and I think I did an okay show. Again, it felt good to perform.
Then Friday, I got caught in traffic and missed my massage!!! I was so upset! I will live I suppose!
This weekend I am working on job resumes and cover letters and basically getting life in order. Nothing too exciting to report. I hope you all had a good week and weekend. Don't forget to spread love! Until next week....
January 26, 2003
It's Sunday again, sometimes the week seems to go so fast. All in all a good week. This was my last week at the high school. The kids performed their show (written by them) on Friday. Considering all the "technical difficulties" like some kids not showing up and being replaced last minute by other members of the class....the show went well. The audience enjoyed it and those who put in a lot of work, performed quite well. The class was full of talent. I hope the students take something from the class, if nothing else, the confidence that a good performance can give you.This week was my massage week at my chiropractor! So, Wednesday I received the best deep tissue massage for my car accident injuries. Yeah! I needed that!
Okay, the best part of this week was that I reshot my headshots on Thursday. The first time I took them, two of the rolls didn't come out because my photographer was working with a new camera. So, we reshot on Thursday. I was a little tire (not a good idea to be tired on your shoot day!) so I was concerned about how they would come out...but they came out great! I gave every last bit of energy I had to the shoot and took a nap afterwards. So, now, I must choose the shot. And, what I decided to do was have a contest. I am going to create a page with the contact sheet and you faithful readers will choose a picture and email your entry to me. The two people that pick my two choices (after consultation with my agent and manager) will win a prize!!! A really cool prize! The contest will be up by Tuesday, January 28th, so stay tuned.....
This weekend was a great network weekend. I had rehearsal with my fellow showcase actors and then I caught up with a friend of mine who is a working actor, fairly well known. Well, talk about timing, I just happened to call him while he was doing a reading of a short film he and his friends are going to shoot. So of course I asked if there was a part for me (a closed mouth NEVER gets fed). He said there wasn't a part in this one, but possible a part in the next one and that I should come by and meet the director and producers! So I did. Meeting people is half of this business!
Then, later that day, another associate called me, he was the video intern on the Jewel tour this summer. Turns out the episode of Livin' Large that I was a part of re-aired and he saw it, so he thought to call. We got to talking and I told him what I was working on...He said he didn't even know that I was an actor! "What!!! I never told you!"...ALWAYS let people know what you do, it's not pretentious, it's wise. It's pretentious to be stuck up or overly confident about it, it's not pretentious to speak up! So, anyway, long story short, he may be filming an independent feature later this year and there might be a part for me. Work begets work, even if it doesn't pay.
So today I was supposed to have rehearsal, but it was a no go. So I ran some errands for a friend with back problems, and then I came home to you. I've been listening a lot to people's words lately. As I am working on re-focussing my thoughts and thought patterns to more positive and life affirming directions, I realize how easy it is to be negative. Life can be scary, especially in this business when one may not know where the next check is coming from, or if it is coming at all. And I have my moments, don't get me wrong, where I slip into deep worry and concern. At times I even consider giving up, or at least putting things aside and getting a "real" job for a year or two. But when you think about it, what is that fear of? Fear of failure, or of success. Fear of the unknown? My boyfriend put a really great twist on things for me the other day. I said to him that I was really scared because my job at the high school was ending and I hadn't found anything to replace it yet. Both my rent and my health insurance went up this month and I wasn't sure how I was gonna manage all of it. I said, "It's about to be really scary." Then he said to me, "Maybe it's about to be really great. Maybe things are clearing the way for an unknowable abundance." And though my worry thoughts were strong, he was right. Dwelling on the worry only brings about more worry. Dwelling on the good and the possiblities brings about good and more possiblities...So to our thoughts we must all pay attention, to our words we must all pay attention, then we must pay INtention. If we all are parts of the all powerfull, or God, or Allah, or whatever you may call Her, then we are all part of the creatOR as well as the creation. So create, focus on your desires, not your losses, your passion, not your bane, your love, not your hate. Do this for just one day and see how it changes you. Then do it the next day, and feel it even more. Eventually, you will wonder why you spent so much time in the place that brought you so much stress and unhappiness. Bring yourself joy, then bring it to others.
January 19, 2003
I'm feeling very tired today, so this may be brief, but it always makes me feel better to have written than to put it off until Monday. So, I'm working through my fatigue and avoiding any more procrastination and getting energy from low fat swiss cheese from Trader Joe's!This week was back to work week, back to school with the drama class, back to tutoring, back to getting my behind in gear with tons of stuff to do that hasn't been done yet. This was also my last week seeing the chiropractor twice a week. Next week I get a deep tissue massage to really loosen everything up, I can't wait for that...
I read my poetry twice this week. Once at the World Stage in Leimert Park. It was a great reading. I stayed for the open mic' afterward, and the talent in that small room was incredible. Thank you to Stan who was the only friend that made it out! (I know I got the email out a little late, so it's partly my fault.) Thank you to Imani and Michael for having me in such a great space. It was a good place to start off the year for features. The second place I read was at an open mic' in Norwalk (I think) at Border's Bookstore. It was an open mic' in the original tradition, not just poetry, but song and guitar playing. It was an inspiring, relaxing evening among talented people. Thank you to Borders for allowing Taylor to produce it, and to Taylor for inviting me.
Yesterday I was supposed to go see Gina Loring ( www.GinaLoring.com) perform at the Wearhouse Restaurant in Marina del Rey. Gina has been very supportive of my work, and I wanted to return the support. And for those that don't know, she's unbelievably talented, singer, poet, musician, actress...painter, the list goes on and on. So this is my formal apology to Gina that I was caught up in another gathering and could not make it out. Please forgive me.
And lastly today, I am coming from a long, but productive rehearsal for the showcase that goes up in a little over a week. It's a-gonna be good!
So that's all folks. I hope the new year is treating you well and that you are treating yourselves and others well. Get out there and express how you feel about the war on Iraq if it moves you. Now is the time when many voices needed to be heard. As always, live well, love well. I'll talk to you next week.
January 12, 2003
Well the new year is in full swing, and I am just beginning to have something to show for it! This week was my last week of "freedom" before I go back to the high school drama class. I spent it getting important things done, going to the chiropractor, getting my oil changed...I did have an audition this week. It was for a low-budget film about slam poets. I haven't heard anything, so I may not have made it, but it felt good to have an audition so early in the year. (Usually, TV and film take a little longer to get back into production after the holidays, although I do know of some shows that are already back...)
The other thing that I accomplished this week was that I finally shot some new headshots!!! Woohoo! I haven't seen them yet, so I may not be so happy in a few days, but I have a good feeling about the shoot. It's good to begin to knock out some of the things that are necessities to me getting my career in gear! Next week, I'm working on the Casting Director mailings, making sure I send postcards out every month, just to let them know that I'm performing and that I'm alive! I'M ALIVE!! Isn't that great!
Another good thing, my friend who is a great poet and writer, wrote a short play for an actor's showcase...and she needed one more actor to fill a small role in the play for her, and me, coming from the school of thought "there are no small roles, only small actors" agreed. What better way to start the year than to perform and be in an industry showcase. Just knowing that I'm doing it has energized me! So, I'm just coming back from our initial rehearsal, working out the kinks and discussing her intriguing script. I'm thankful to be a part of the project! Woohoo!
And, earlier today, I spent a nice couple of hours with my boyfriend, enjoying the Long Beach Shoreline, shops, ice-cream, strolling by the water. It was a great time just to be there for no reason and not to have anything pulling us one way or the other. For the first time in a long time, I was really relaxed.
So thank you to all who reach out to me regularly, and those who reach out occassionally, and those who never reach out, but think about it, and those who don't even think about it. You are all a blessing in my life. Don't forget to let your blessings and inspirations know that they are appreciated, and most importantly, don't forget to appreciate yourself and your presence here. We are all here for a reason and a purpose, and in that may you find your divinity. Love yourselves and love each other.
Until next week...
